Скачать или смотреть EP 267: Stop 'Shoulding' All Over Yourself ~ The One Word Keeping You Stuck in Your ED & How to B...

There's ONE word that's absolutely destroying your progress in recovery. One word that's keeping you stuck, paralyzed, and living in a constant state of shame and disappointment.



That word? Should.



And sis, you need to stop shoulding all over yourself. Like, right now. Today.



Because every time you tell yourself what you "should" be doing, what you "should" have accomplished by now, where you "should" be in your recovery—you're not motivating yourself. You're actually making it HARDER to take action.



In this episode, I'm breaking down the science behind why "should" keeps you stuck, where all these "shoulds" come from in the first place, and giving you 5 powerful reframes you can start using TODAY to break free from the shame cycle and actually move forward.



In this episode, you'll discover:




• The ONE word you need to stop using if you want to become the best version of yourself


• Where your "shoulds" come from (diet culture, perfectionism, family expectations, trauma, comparison)


• The science: Why "should" is the language of obligation, not empowerment


• Research from Stanford showing how "should" keeps your brain stuck in self-criticism instead of problem-solving


• How "shoulding" shows up specifically in eating disorder recovery


• Lindsey's personal story: "I should be over this by now" (like a bad boyfriend from 3 months ago)


• 5 powerful reframes to replace your "shoulds" with choice and compassion


• Why you're not behind, not failing, and not broken


• The edge: How to stop using "should" as an excuse to stay stuck


• A tangible homework assignment to catch yourself "shoulding" and reframe it




If you've ever thought "I should eat this," "I should start today," "I should be further along," or "I should be over this by now"—this episode is your wake-up call.



Stop shoulding. Start choosing. Become who you're BECOMING, not who you "should" be.


KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE


💛 "Every time you tell yourself what you 'should' be doing, what you 'should' have accomplished by now, where you 'should' be in your recovery—you're not motivating yourself. You're actually making it HARDER to take action."



💛 "Your 'shoulds' didn't just appear out of nowhere. They were planted. They were taught. They were absorbed from every message you've ever received about who you're supposed to be."



💛 "These 'shoulds' create this distortion in your mind that where you currently are is SO far behind where you 'should' be. And so you live in this constant state of not enough."



💛 "'Should' is the language of obligation, not empowerment. It's the language of shame, not choice."



💛 "When we focus on what we 'should' be doing but aren't, our brain gets stuck in a loop of self-criticism rather than problem-solving. We're so focused on the gap that we can't actually take action to close it."



💛 "'Should' keeps you stuck focusing on what you AREN'T doing rather than what you ARE doing or COULD do."



💛 "I remember thinking, 'I should be over this by now. It's been YEARS. This is like a bad boyfriend I dated for three months—why am I still thinking about him?' And I felt so much shame."



💛 "I asked a different question: 'But should I? Should I be "over" something that was part of my life for so long? Should I expect perfection from myself?' And the answer? No."



💛 "You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not broken. You're healing. And healing doesn't follow a script."



💛 "If you're constantly 'shoulding' yourself but not taking action, you're using 'should' as an excuse to stay stuck."



💛 "Stop talking about what you 'should' do and start choosing what you WILL do."



💛 "The words you use shape the life you live. And if you're constantly shoulding yourself, you're living in a prison of obligation and shame."


THE SCIENCE: WHY "SHOULD" KEEPS YOU STUCK


Dr. Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, identified "should statements" as one of the core irrational beliefs that lead to emotional disturbance. He called it "shoulding" and "musturbation"—the belief that things MUST or SHOULD be a certain way. When reality doesn't match that "should," we experience anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame.



Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study: People who use obligatory language like "should," "must," and "have to" experience higher levels of stress and lower levels of intrinsic motivation compared to people who use choice-based language like "choose to," "want to," or "could."



Stanford University research: When we focus on what we "should" be doing but aren't, our brain gets stuck in a loop of self-criticism rather than problem-solving. We're so focused on the gap between where we are and where we "should" be that we can't actually take action to close that gap.



The bottom line: "Should" keeps you ...