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Anxious attachment feels like
Complete transcript:

Person 1: I'm looking for clues that you're gonna abandon me.
Person 2: What why would you do that?
Person 1: Well, I'm always looking for clues. I'm sort of like a relationship detective. When you don't text me back or even when you come home and you're feeling stressed I take it very personally. And I try to decode what it means.
Person 2: Well when I'm stressed. It just means I'm stressed from work. You don't need to decode it.
Person 1: Oh, but I do. I grew up having to decode things, like when I got the silent treat from my mom. Or when my dad's mood would suddenly change and he had rage around the house. I never felt safe so I became hyper-vigilant.
Person 2: Is that why you're always asking if I'm okay or If I'm mad at you?
Person 1: That's called emotional monitoring.
Person 2: Feels kind of controlling like you're smothering me in some way. Even when tell you I'm okay, you just keep asking.
Person 1: I know, I expect you to regulate my nervous system. If you're not okay then I'm not okay. If you're stressed, then I'm stressed. I take on whatever emotion you have. I absorb it like a sponge. It's a form of codependency, where I not only feel everything you feel, but I also feel responsible for it too.
Person 2: That sounds really stressful for you.
Person 1: Oh it is. I'm on an emotional roller coaster all day. Worried your mood will change that your feelings for me will change. That maybe you're even hiding something from me. I overthink and make tons of assumptions too which create even more anxiety then I look more and more to you to calm and reassure me about the anxiety that you didn't even create.
Person 2: That's really stressful for me and makes me want to pull away from you.
Person 1: And you pulling away from me, makes me put pressure on you even more to treasure me.
Person 2: And you pressuring me makes me check out more and
(this is a cycle in relationships if you're anxiously attached)
Person 1: And that just confirms my belief that everyone who loves me will leave me.

#anxiousattachmentstyle #anxiousattachment #hypervigilance #attachmentstyles