Polyamorous Coming Out Story - Reid Mihalko at Bawdy Storytelling

Sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of http://ReidAboutSex.com shares how he got engaged/disengaged, opened up his relationship, his first open relationship threesome while acting in Othello with Delroy Lindo, and coming out as queer and polyamorous to his parents at Thanksgiving at the world-famous Bawdy Storytelling (http://BawdyStorytelling.com) in Oakland, CA in 2011.

Dixie: Ready for the finale? You may have seen him before because he’s famous and he loves us and he comes back regularly and has a story for pretty much any theme I could make up he’s like, “What’s the 17 stories that relates to that theme?” He actually gave me 6 for tonight and here to choose one of them hopefully is Reid Mihalko.

Reid: Okay. Clap if you have ever tried to have a non-monogamous relationship. Clap if you have ever feel miserably or spectacularly. Clap if you’re monogamous and you don’t know why you’re here. Thank you. My name is Reid Mihalko, I’m a sex educator. I’m also a sex relationship geek. This is my story.

First off, if we’re going to recognize polyamorous value of relationship choice, we have to recognize monogamy. That’s the last time I will say monogamy. Really like, for me, relationships are about self-expression. So it’s kind of being a jazz musician. If you’re raise in conservatory and told that the classical music is the zenith of musical self-expression, you might be a little bit upset or confused why your roommate who loves Bach, you don’t get off on Bach the same way. And so then all of the sudden, you want into a jazz club and you’re like, “Oh”, it all make sense. And then when you actually start getting into jazz, there’s like 58 million difficult versions of jazz and you to figure out what jazz is for you and that to me it’s kind of how I came into polyamory. So the way this started, this is my coming out story, by the way. So, I’m engaged. For those of you who know me, you might be like, “What the fuck?” So can you all say Reid is engaged?

Everybody: Reid is engaged.

Reid: Wonderful women. One of the best relationship of my life because we ended it awesomely, spectacularly and in the beginning of that relationship, she and I we’re talking about, “Listen, I think I want to be open and in open relationship.” We didn’t know what polyamorous was at that time and she’s like, “I can do that, I can see other people. That’s totally cool. Awesome”. She’s bringing me to see her mother who’s Dominican while her dad who’s Italian. She sees me for the first time, she’s like "Dios mio! Ranablanca!" [Inaudible 00:03:00] And Sandra, is like “Mom!” and I’m like, “White what?” I speak a little bit Spanish and that becomes my pet name in the family. And I love that name. Like it’s kind of fun and they fall in love with me, they get it. But eventually, I fall in love or in lust with somebody in my acting class back when I was and actor. We’re like super into each other but I’m still like this is my first, like I’m engaged and I told her that I want to be non-monogamous but, “Ah, what do I do?”

So in rehearsals, with my friend from acting class, and the tension is thick, it’s super, super thick and I’m like trying to be like Mr. Integrity and we’re like, we’re doing a scene that we’re supposed to kiss and it’s like we’re alone in her apartment and I just want to jump her bones and she wants to jump mine and so basically we’re just about to like, it all to come tumbling apart I went into the bathroom and I locked the door and she’s like, “(knocking) Are you there?” I’m like, “Duh, I’m in here. You saw me run in here”. She’s like, “Are you okay?” and I’m like, “I’m really turned on right now and I’m engaged” and she’s like, “Yeah, yeah” and she already me my fiancé and she’s like, “What do you want to do?” and I’m kind of, this is like the romantic movie work, her hands on the other side of the door and I was like this, and I’m like, “Put your back against the door” and she kind of put her back and I can feel it like move forward and so I put my back against the door and I’m like, “Put your hand on your pants” and I feel the door kind of push a little bit and so she and I start masturbating and I’m feeling horrible about this but it’s a fucking high [inaudible 00:05:10] that I’ve ever done. Because technically, I’m not cheating. I have thumbs solution, good relationship geek, and this door is like just enough [inaudible 00:05:29] that we’re like basically fucking each other through the door. Go, “Aaaaah! Aaaaaah!” all over her bathroom, which I apologized to her later.