Blackpool shower: A gravedigger quit because the club is so miserable. Blackpool was unusually hot last summer and one day the club's owner, Owen Oyston, sought some sun.
Cooped up inside his penthouse suite in the hotel at Bloomfield Road, Oyston — who was 85 on Thursday — decided to head further up in his pursuit.
Sunbathing gear on, he scaled the Jimmy Armfield Stand.
He reached the top, thought the rusting structure might be a smart place to brighten his tan and lay on the roof for the afternoon. Not a care in the world, clearly.
Club staff roll their eyes and laugh when the incident is retold, the sheer absurdity of an owner catching rays on top of a football stadium not lost on them, but this is no joke.
Fedora enthusiast Oyston owed former director Valeri Belokon around £25million — and still does — after an acrimonious High Court battle for 'unfair prejudice'.
A judge ruled in November 2017 that Oyston had 'illegitimately stripped' the Seasiders, something the pensioner vehemently denies despite all logic and proof.
Oyston has passed up two opportunities of loans to repay his debt, of which, up to now, he has paid £10m of the £34m owed according to the final judgment. And so Blackpool is a club in limbo, desperate for change.
He has moved the asking price while in discussions with parties interested in buying the club and clearly does not wish to relinquish control despite public utterings to the contrary.
Others have blagged free three-week stays in the club hotel while fooling Oyston into believing they have money to help. The place is in utter chaos.
His sunbathing might seem trivial, even amusing, but that Oyston cancelled all meetings that day, not wanting to be disturbed, paints a blasé picture, possibly even delusional.
Oyston, clinging on to power for all he is worth, has no definitive plan of how to end this mess. As always, supporters are left in the middle. Friendships have eroded, families split, as thousands have stood firm in refusing to watch their team play.
The ground is nine-tenths empty most weeks, only swollen by away support.
A small portion attend but the majority do not and a four-year-long 'Not A Penny More' campaign has been successful in financially squeezing an owner they have despised for nearly three decades.
This evening serves as the biggest test yet when Arsenal arrive for an FA Cup third-round tie. It is Blackpool's most glamorous game since they beat Cardiff City at Wembley nine years ago to reach the Premier League. 'There is real anger from some towards those who still attend who, in their opinion, have divided the fan base and abandoned the team,' said Blackpool Supporters' Trust chair, Christine Seddon.
'Thankfully, most fans manage to focus on where the real problem lies — Owen Oyston — but there is no doubt that when this is all over and we have our club back, there will be a fair few wounds which need to heal.'
Expect demonstrations. 'We are calling on all fans to make their feelings known towards the owners of our club in a non-violent but direct way,' the Muckers Supporters Group said, also highlighting the barbaric scenes which saw hundreds of Sunderland fans allowed into Bloomfield Road through an exit gate before Blackpool's home defeat on New Year's Day.
'Sunderland proved that the current ownership doesn't care about fans — even down to not having the correct procedures in place for stewarding a big crowd. The EFL need to investigate.'
Oyston is a condemned man on the Fylde Coast and goes into this tie with a threat of bailiffs seizing assets at the club next week to raise cash for Belokon.
The last major raid saw Oyston disconnect the lift to his penthouse and escape.
Money is running out and one source admitted they cannot see how long he can reasonably keep the club going, despite two cup runs generating in the region of £700,000.
That cash is not injected into the team, of course, and
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