I need to respect myself more

I love being in love, and I make stories in my head about how it can be and all that.

And I give chance after chance after chance.
Because I want to be given these chances.
We all screw up, or there's misunderstandings and so on, so I don't want to judge, before I know more.

But feeding into that avoidant, reluctant energy, is like burning up in both ends.
And I do it, because I know what they're missing out on, and because I don't want to be told, when I'm no longer interested, that they should have picked me.

I met one, he had a degenerate inherited disease, but I liked him.
He never gave me a chance to show that tho.
I met him years later, and he was in a wheelchair at that point.
I was living abroad at the moment, and just home for a short while.
I do regret not catching the name of where he was staying, and visit him, but my path was no longer with him. (if you know)
I know I would have been there thru it all, if he had let me in from the start.

I tried to figure out if he was still alive, after coming back, but since I didn't know where he stayed at, I couldn't go there to find out, or learn where he's buried.

One part of me, wants to be chosen, another part of me, wants to show them what pure love is.
I think that's why I get attracted to these "broken" men.