Скачать или смотреть LETTER 16 — On Being Less Judgmental

Dear Aida,

One of the gentlest forms of wisdom is learning to be less judgmental—toward others, and toward yourself.

Many people misunderstand what judgment really is.They think judgment means having opinions, making distinctions, or noticing the truth about someone’s behavior.

That isn’t judgment.That’s discernment.

Judgment is something different.

Judgment is the assumption that you understand someone’s inner worldwithout knowing their story.

It is the quick leapfrom observationto conclusionto condemnation.

Judgment reduces people to their worst moments.Discernment understands there is always more beneath the surface.

Aida, being less judgmental won’t make you naïve.It will make you wise.

Why Judgment Comes So Quickly

Judgment is fast because it protects the ego.It lets you feel:

superior

righteous

safe

certain

in control

It simplifies the world.It reduces complexity to categories.It lets you avoid the discomfort of understanding.

But judgment prevents growth.It blinds you to nuance.It distorts your perception.It makes you brittle, not strong.

Discernment, Not Judgment

Discernment is different.It is slow.Patient.Clear-eyed.Compassionate.

Discernment says:

“I see what happened,but I don’t pretend I know the whole story.”

Discernment allows you to:

protect yourself

set boundaries

identify patterns

avoid harmful people

remain grounded

stay open

still see the humanity in others

Judgment closes the heart.Discernment opens the eyes.

You need both eyes openand your heart steady.

Aida, People Are Almost Always Carrying More Than They Show

Everyone you meet is fighting invisible battles:

Someone who seems arrogant may be deeply afraid of being insignificant.Someone who seems cold may be protecting old wounds.Someone who lashes out may be overwhelmed with shame.Someone who withdraws may feel unworthy of being seen.Someone who clings may fear being abandoned.Someone who chases attention may feel invisible to themselves.

This doesn’t excuse harmful behaviors.It simply reveals why compassion is a more accurate lens than judgment.

Compassion is not softness.It is understanding.

How to Become Less Judgmental Without Losing Your Boundaries

1. Replace “What’s wrong with them?” with “What might they be carrying?”

This shift alone will change your entire posture.

2. Notice your own triggers.

Harsh judgment often reflects something unresolved within you.

3. Give people the grace you wish someone had given you.

Mercy is a form of wisdom.

4. Remember that behavior = information, not identity.

People are not their worst moments.

5. Practice saying, “I don’t know the whole story.”

Because you don’t.

The Liberation in Being Less Judgmental

You become lighter.Your mind becomes quieter.Your relationships become deeper.Your inner world becomes kinder.

And most surprisingly:

Your self-judgment begins to soften too.

Because the more compassion you extend outward,the more compassion flows inward.

The less harshly you view others,the less harshly you view yourself.

You become someone who sees clearlywithout seeing cruelly.

Someone who recognizes truthwithout closing her heart.

Someone who understands complexitywithout becoming overwhelmed by it.

Aida, the world needs more people like this—people who see deeply, hold gently,and remain discerning without becoming hard.

Let that be you.

— A friend on the road ahead