Over-50s surf community in shock following defeat of Kelly Slater by rival at invitation-only event!

The aged surf community, that dreadful over-fifties male with his elongated ball sack and sad little cock and belief that surfing can be “regulated”, is in shock this morning following the defeat of their icon Kelly Slater in the second round of the invitation-only Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions Trophy.

The contest runs over three days. Single fins. Twins. Thrusters. Twenty-five gees to the winner.

You’ll remember, yesterday, how fifty-year-old Slater, who finished third at the Outerknown Tahiti Pro in ten-foot waves last week and who is the current world number fifteen, made short work of the Momentum Gen, including one-time arch-rival Rob Machado, in the single fin div.

Today, however, was all Shane Dorian, a former world number four, who was “one of the few surfers of his generation not to pattern his style after three-time world champion Tom Curren, developing instead his own curious-but-pleasing form, marked by a raised chin, down-turned wrists and hands, and splayed fingers.”

“It felt really good to beat Kelly,” said Dorian. “It’s pretty obvious, but it’s really difficult to beat him. I’ve surfed against him a ton of times in my life and he usually gets me, so every time I can beat him, it’s a personal win for me.”

Dorian faced the supremely fit Ross Williams in the twin-fin final in waves described as “tricky”.

“Conditions were really fun, but you had to be very selective,” said Williams, riding a board designed by fellow competitor Rob Machado. “I feel like riding a twin-fin presented even more of a challenge out there – but, when you got a good wave and put it together, it felt all the better because of just how difficult it was.