Abu Hurairah radi-allahu-anhu reported: The Prophet SAW said, “Seven are (the persons) whom Allah will give protection with His Shade on the Day when there will be no shade except His Shade (i.e., on the Day of Resurrection), and they are: A just ruler; a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah, a person whose heart is attached to the mosque, two persons who love and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man whom a beautiful and high ranking woman seduces (for illicit relation) but rejects the offer by saying; ‘I fear Allah’, a person who gives a charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the left hand might not know what the right has given and a person who remembers Allah in solitude and his eyes wells up.” 1.
This should be our goal as parents; to raise children who will grow up worshiping AllahSWT. The reality is that most people have high expectations, which is purely focused on the dunya like pursuing medicine, law, engineering among other professions which would only earn them money and prestige. These goals are worth achieving from the academic perspective and are very much needed by the Muslim community for a healthy survival, especially in this time. However, they should not take precedence over the primary goal, i.e, paradise. Parents should desire paradise as the biggest goal for their children.
As Allah says in the Quran,
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَاتَّبَعَتْهُمْ ذُرِّيَّتُهُم بِإِيمَانٍ أَلْحَقْنَا بِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَمَا أَلَتْنَاهُم مِّنْ عَمَلِهِم مِّن شَيْءٍ
And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything. 2
1. Taqwa and Piety:
The first habit for those who want to successfully raise Muslim children is taqwa and piety, and from the child’s perspective the parents should be righteous. Then the question arises; when should Islamic upbringing begin? The reality is that tarbiya starts before the child is born. A student once asked his teacher about raising his child who was at that time a year old. The teacher replied, “You have already missed the boat because it starts with the parents”. Parents desiring righteous children should themselves be righteous; they should work on themselves, their relationship with Allah SWT, their knowledge, their character, etc. This habit does not refer to the principle of being a good example but refers to the principle that if people are themselves righteous, Allah SWT will make their children righteous as one of the fruits of taqwa. For example, in the Quranic story of Khidr and Musa عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ, Khidr rebuilt the wall belonging to the orphans because their father was a righteous man. Some of the early scholars used to tell their children that, “Indeed I make nawafil for your sake.”
They used to recite the verse:
وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَالِحًا….
And their father was a righteous man.. 3
so that the righteousness of the parents would affect the children for their benefits. Parents should make sure that their own aqeedah is intact; they should have a close relationship with AllahSWT and put their aqeedah in practice. It is not enough to know about the academic details, but the qeedah should be lived too. For example, Muslims in knowing the fundamentals of tawheed, know that one of Allah’s name is Ar Razzaq; The Provider. Therefore, they should seek their provisions through halal sources and leave the outcome to AllahSWT. We need to have the right belief with respect to Allah’s attributes and names. Knowing them and internalizing them is to live with the fact that Allah SWTis Ar Razzaq. What does that mean? It means that people will not sacrifice their life to come for the sake of the provisions in this life.
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