Why Did I Leave Islam - Ex Muslim Explains

I was born in a Muslim family in Iran. I was not a practicing Muslim. In 1985 we had to leave the country under threat of the Khomeini regime.

We went to Istanbul, Turkey, and settled into a hotel.

Two days before we left my father was killed. His house was destroyed in a fire. I left everything and we were homeless and hopeless.

We spent the next few months in a hotel. My husband was hoping to go back to Iran, expecting Khomeini to be deposed.

Gradually I went into depression and became suicidal. I was planning how to kill myself. One day I put my little daughter to bed, and I went to the lobby of the hotel. It was midnight the lobby was empty, and I was by myself. A passenger bus stopped in front of the hotel and a family came in– a mother and 4 kids. It was the coldest winter in Istanbul. I ran to the mother, she started to cry. She told me they were Armenian Christians, and they were in danger, and she was looking for a church.

I found a church in the yellow pages. I spoke with the priest, Father Gaspard, and told him there is a family that needs you. Father Gaspard came to the hotel to meet her. After their conversation, he told me she is asking for help to buy 5 tickets from Turkey to Paris.
He said that the church was poor, and he did not have the money to help her. He made no promises but said that he would try to help.

A few days later, Father Gaspard came to the hotel, and he had the money to buy her tickets.
I asked my husband to pay her hotel bills. Then the whole family left for Paris.

That day Father Gaspard invited me to lunch and later he invited me to the church. His conversation was always about Christ. I didn’t know anything about Christ.

Every week, he invited me to the church. The ceremony was in Armenian and I couldn’t really understand. But, I was happy to be out of the hotel. He was kind to me and my daughter.

One day he gave me the Bible in Farsi. I asked him “what is this?” He said this is the Bible. And I took it to the hotel. I started reading it but I didn’t Understand it. I had so many questions. “Did Jesus write this?” That Sunday I went to church and gave the Bible back to Father Gaspard.

I said, “Father Gaspard could we get together and talk about something other than Jesus?”
He smiled. And he asked me “Nahid, take this Bible again to the hotel and read it .” But I didn’t read it.

A few days later I had a dream. In my dream, someone came with a bronze pot full of water. They put the pot on the floor. Then he came with a dusty bottle full of oil and dropped the oil into the water. The oil started to gather, and it made the image of the face and upper body of Jesus. The picture of Jesus appeared on the surface of the water. And I woke up. And I felt my body shaking and my chest was exploding. I felt like I was dying. The earth was shaking and turning around me. I cried nonstop for 13 hours. Around 6 in the morning, I called Father Gaspard. I asked to see him and told him I needed help.

He said, “Take your daughter and come to see me.” So, I went to the church and asked him to help me. He said, “Are you looking for peace?” And I said, “I want everything to go back to normal.”


He said, “I want to baptize you.” I didn’t know the meaning of baptizing. He asked the church neighbors to come and be witnesses at my baptism. I was watching Father Gaspard to see what he was doing. Then he came back with the same pot full of water that was in my dream and put it on the floor. Next, he came back with the same dusty blue bottle of oil that was in my dream and baptized me in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. And he dropped the oil into the water.

After the ceremony, I immediately felt in peace. My body stopped shaking. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t open my eyes for 2 hours. They carried me outside. I felt the peace of heaven. After a long time, I could finally open my eyes.

I explained to all of them that the ceremony was in my dream last night. They were shocked and amazed.

From that day, my life has changed dramatically. Hope came to my heart. I didn’t know what hope was.

When I came to the United States, I got thirsty to understand the Bible. The Holy Spirit became a teacher to me, helping me to understand God’s word. I got involved with the Iranian church and became a leader. I helped Muslims and refugees find Jesus. While I was serving the church, my relationship with my husband became worse. He was torturing me, and my health started failing. He was trying to get me to deny my faith, but I lost my everything for Jesus. There is no going back. I am happy.


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