Understanding Polyamory

An interview with Dana McNeil, LMFT, about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Curt and Katie talk with Dana about the basics that every therapist should understand about polyamory. We cover some of the vocabulary, the values and perspectives within the polyamory community, as well as the biases many therapists hold and what therapists often get wrong when working with polyamorous clients.
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Interview with Dana McNeil Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Co-Founder of Confident Couples Therapist

Dana McNeil is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and is the founder The Relationship Place, a group practice located in San Diego, California. Dana’s practice specializes in couples’ therapy and utilizes an evidence-based type of couples’ therapy which is known as the Gottman Method. Dana is a certified Gottman Method therapist and Bringing Home Baby instructor.  Dana’s practice works with all types of relationship issues from pre-marital counseling, dealing with the aftermath of extramarital affairs, partners working through addiction recovery, military deployed families, parents of special needs children, LGBTQ, and polyamorous clients.

Dana has been featured on many relationship podcasts and in publications such as the Business Insider, Authority Magazine, Eat This-Not That, Parade, Oprah Living, Martha Stewart Living, Ladders, AARP, and is the resident relationship expert on the Cox Communications show “I Do.”

Dana is also the co-founder of Confident Couples Therapist, a consultation and training program. She and her partner Nancy Ryan teach the tips and techniques to build a successful cash pay practice working with couples.

In this episode we talk about polyamory:
Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy (ENM)
The faulty assumption that therapists don’t have skills to work with polyamorous clients
The complexity of the non-monogamous relationships
Jealousy versus compersion
Metamour, Polycule, and new relationship energy
The goals and aspirations within the polyamorous community
The underlying reasons for entering into polyamorous relationships
The poly identity and lifestyle
Typical biases therapists hold related to ethical non-monogamy
The difference between boundaries and rules and agreements
The negative tone that can express bias to client
Dana’s use of the Gottman method with ENM clients
The reality of how ENM relationships – emotional and practical logistics
The importance of transparency, clear communication within these relationships
Considerations related to when members of the polycule are parents, who and how they are introduced to children
Sex, fluid bonding, protection and testing
Swingers have sex as sport, open relationships are sexual, poly relationships may be for love and romance and not sex
The stigma and misunderstanding that these individuals may face


Who we are:
Curt Widhalm, LMFT
http://www.curtwidhalm.com

Katie Vernoy, LMFT
http://www.katievernoy.com


A Quick Note:
Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it.
Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.