Paint Protection for Cars - & why you don't need it | Auto Expert John Cadogan

Welcome to the very first episode of a brand new series called What the FAQ - inspired by Brian, who writes thus:
I recently bought a Sportage via your fleet buyers with great results. Yesterday, I sat in with my partner at a dealership, to prevent a ripoff, whilst she signed up for a new Cerato. Despite us saying that we wanted no add-ons, a pushy female came up and tried to sell us paint protection at over $2000. When we refused, she wanted us to sign a waiver which stated that the benefits had been explained and because we had declined, there would be no warranty if a paint fault came to light. To me, this is illegal, and I explained the law regarding reasonable expectation of quality for the consumer.
I’m John Cadogan - senior VP of bullshit adjudication here at AutoExpert.com.au - the place where Aussie new car buyers save thousands without being subject to these typical BS dealership upselling scams. Hit me up on the website for that. Except of course if you’re a masochist.
Everything is a good news/bad news story. The good news is that intensive competition in the market drives dealership profits down. There’s less margin in new cars than ever before, and new cars have never been cheaper - in real terms.
The bad news is that dealers are cunning, creative motherlovers - and they’re quite happy to sell you anything to alleviate this pressure on their profits. Especially stuff you absolutely don’t need. And on this issue of their profits: Still quite high. Look around at the real estate, the buildings, and the dealer principal’s third wife’s premium silicone breasts - car dealerships remain very profitable indeed.
Speaking of fake choozies, the car buying process is an arduous endurance event, and with the finish line in sight the hapless buyer is often confronted with these ‘protection’ offers, invariably served up by a surgically augmented former fluffer named Melanie - the name being a poignant, literal truth in many cases.
Melanie emptied her bank account all over those fake breasts - and she’s unafraid to use them. Her objective is simple: to get you to dive right in, and motorboat your way to buying a bunch of stuff that you absolutely do not need while you are mentally diverted, dreaming sweet dreams on a sea of silicone.
Paint protection is unequivocally bullshit. Modern automotive paint has a rock-hard clear coat over the colour. The clear coat does not need protecting. You could wax the car twice a year if you want it to look nice, but as for some magic chemical applied in the ancient Mr Miagi/Karate Kid ‘wax-on, wax-off’ tradition, which lasts the life of the car and is harder than a diamond and which compensates for the factory paint’s alleged shittedness…
... if you believe this, then perhaps I can also interest you in the newly discovered health benefits of crystal meth.