How to call a guy out on his BS without Losing him

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A lot of women struggle with calling a guy out without looking crazy, and without losing his interest. They don't want to look like they're trying too hard, or like they're too needy. When you're in that place, you're already f@*ked up in a way (when you're afraid to confront them), because the power dynamics are already on his side.

A lot of time power dynamics are based on illusions; they're based on someone buying into the agreed roles. Example: Parenting. You may look back on your childhood and realize you weren't forced to listen to your parents. It was all an illusion (the looks they gave to keep you in line, etc). You didn't know you were able to call the cops or something to get them in trouble. What was going on was buying into the roll; mom was the big one, and I was the smaller one. That's normal.

In relationships, a lot of times it's you buying into those rolls; it's you ACCEPTING those rolls. Sometimes a roll is thinking, "he's better than me, and I need him; He's the prize, and I'm the one who won him over." It's almost as though you're walking on eggshells. But the primary reason that confronting him feels fearful is because of neediness; the need to have him, and the fear of loss. When you have a fear of loss, you're usually jaded - you usually walk on eggshells, you're usually hesitant, you modify. When you say something, you're afraid of certain reactions. So even when you open your mouth to say something (to stand up for yourself), people feel that you're kind of scared to stand up for yourself.

What you have to do isn't learning how to confront them, or call them on their BS. Example: When a girl doesn't text me back or doesn't show up for a date, what do I do? Do I confront the woman? Do I just ignore them? That's all based on your standards. You wanna have 'predisposed standards' / 'predisposed barriers' that aren't based on reaction, but based on logic: "if this happens, I will do this; if this happens, I will do this." So when a girl flakes on me, I don't make a decision based on neediness; I'm just basing it on fact. Example: Firing someone. "Nothing personal, we're just doing what we gotta do."

When you're needy and afraid, you're never going to win out. If you notice that he's flirting with other women, and you wanna tell him that - even if you have the right strategy - he's gonna feel your neediness. You're gonna be afraid to say it because you know he's gonna read through your neediness. So what you have to do, then, is let go of the outcome. Observe and notice the neediness first. Notice how you're trying to prevent losing him. That's the thing - lack of self-awareness. You're afraid of the outcome. So bring awareness to the neediness. Anything you do with neediness won't work.

Get yourself in a state of "I don't care"; an indifference. To do this, you must become your source of positive emotions. You do this through meditation. When you meditate, you become your source of positive emotion; you create an ecosystem of goodness inside of you. So when you DO confront the guy, even if you feel nervous - because you're accepting the nervousness - you're able to speak your mind and not care what he thinks.

Being defensive is what will make you react, so you cannot be defensive. You just have to talk - and notice the defensiveness, but don't act on it. Observe it, and then act. If he says something, and you feel a surge of wanting to attack him back, that's the last thing you wanna do. Observe it, breathe into it, and then take action. Then you're taking action with an open mind.

Here's a link to the article version: https://mindfulattraction.org/blog/20...

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