Alexander Nilsson
2016-09-18
How to Give memorable and genuine compliments: Week challenge #26
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We continue in the path of connecting with people - as it is the focus of this September month! This week's challenge is about learning how to give memorable, genuine compliments and applying it throughout the week! In fact, at least two a day to be specific. Stay tuned and I’ll tell you all about it.
When it comes to connecting to people, one of the most powerful things you can do – if executed in the right way – is to give a thoughtful and genuine complement. Just think about it, do you remember the last time you got a compliment? How did you feel?
I talked to my mom the other day and she told me that her friend, which I met a while back, told her that I seemed like such a nice and carrying person that was so easy to connect with! it just made my day when I heard about that – it still warms me up thinking about it, and that wasn’t even straight to my face! It's simple, in most cases, we like people that like us! (There’s always exceptions)
However, this isn’t as easy as it seems – it comes with some skill development, but don’t worry, I’ll tell you the key things that will set you up with all you need to know!
The problem, or trap, with giving compliments is mainly two fault:
· People can think that we're just saying stuff because we have a hidden agenda and a suck up.
· We think that people will think that we are just saying stuff because we have a hidden agenda and are a suck up.
On a deeper level, when you give a genuine compliment, there is less risk of you getting taken for being fake with other intentions because your body language; When we lie or say something we don't mean, our body language gives that a way in a heartbeat. Even though the other person receiving it can't pin point it, they feel something is of, because subconsciously they are receiving all these kinds micro expressions that are telling a different story. But when we are genuinely telling the truth, all our thousands of micro expressions will be aligned with what you’re actually saying. It’s in harmony.
THE OBSERVATIONAL COMPLIMENT
The solution is to give genuine and authentic compliments that actually has some thought behind them – an observational compliment! To show them that they've earned your like, you don’t’ throw good compliments around to anybody. These things give your compliment a higher value. IT'S NOT on a surface level like, oh nice jacket, you're so good looking no, it's deeper than that, it requires some thought and brain activity to go into it.
The first step to genuine compliments is active listening and observational skills, so you actually have some ingredients to cook that delicious compliment on! It should be unique customised for that person; it shows them that you care and take notice. So be specific! Try to find out their goals, interests and passion areas, likes and dislikes. This means You have to be genuinely interested of a person! For real. Be curios and ask questions and make the connections.
Why does this work? Well, the person is going to notice that you really listen, you put your time and energy into relay picking up on the details, drawing conclusions based on what has been said that is actually correct - you don't just do a routine script that you pull on every other person, this is customized and unique and requires full attention! Time and focus is something rare, and not something we are being spoiled with from people. Maybe our best friends care enough, but that's usually it.
The Objective:
· Make two genuine complements per day, and it should be to different persons throughout the week! And I want you write down a few notes for each interaction so you in the end of the week can read through it all and make some reflection about the week that has past – evaluate yourself!
Also , credit to #RamitSethi who has taught me most of the things I’m saying here. Great source when it comes to developing social skills.
Question: Let me know in the comments the last time you gave someone a complement, what was it, and how it was received.
/ Alexander.
Music: An acoustic guitar rendition of BOO's 'You're watching Guuuuude Bouuulderfiiiist' theme -
Guude Boulderfist acoustic rendition by rdriftwood is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Source: / guude-boulderfist-acoustic
License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...
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/With Love, Alexander
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