Скачать или смотреть “Can I put punitive measures in place for a gaslighting?” “How to deal with people that interrupt?”

QUESTION #1

How do I put punitive measures in place for a gaslighting husband with an autoimmune disease that’s flaring up? Walking on egg shells isn’t working anymore. Anger to loving and back again in minutes! We’re both unhappy. I know I’m not perfect and neither is he. I’ve told him that we can’t keep this up.

ANSWER #1

First off, “putting punitive measures” in place won’t work. What would be the point of inflicting punishment? You will not solve anything like that. As a matter of fact, you will cause more harm to an already toxic relationship.

I don’t understand what your husband’s autoimmune disease has to do with anything. I know that it must be terrible, but lots of people have illnesses and don’t behave badly, or gaslight others.

With regards to “Gaslighting”, for those of you who don’t know what that is, here are some examples:

1. Trivialize – your feelings are minimized, and you are often accused of overreacting.

2. Countering – your memory is questioned, new details are made up, and it leaves you doubting yourself.

3. Diversion – the subject is changed, or you might be accused of making things up.

4. Forgetting/denying – you bring something up that is met with, “I don’t remember!” Or “That never happened.”

5. Discredited – you are told that you are easily confused in front of others; or are made to feel like you have a bad memory.

What you can do:

1. Don’t engage the person who is gaslighting you.
2. Collect all the evidence you can to prove you are right.
3. Speak up. Don’t stay silent while questioning yourself.
4. Stay calm. Don’t let him know he’s rattling you. You can say, “I know I’m right!” then walk away.

Walking on eggshells is not something that can be sustained long-term. Eventually the shells will crack, and so will your relationship.

You’re right! No one is perfect. But there are levels of toxicity that are too high to live with. How much are you willing to tolerate?

“Anger to loving and back again in minutes,” is erratic behavior. May I suggest your husband get a physical to make sure that there are no neurological problems.

These types of issues are exceedingly difficult to deal with on your own, especially if they’ve been going on for a long time. Patterns that have been set for a while, are quite hard to change. I recommend couple’s counseling. Check out Talkspace.com, or other available on-line therapy platforms.

Wishing you the best of luck!


QUESTION #2

How do you deal with people that interrupt you during meetings at work? Especially when they are at a higher level in the company.

ANSWER #2

Great question!

Here are some things you can do:

Let it go. I know you may not want to hear this if you’re feeling frustrated, but if it’s a rare occurrence, then it’s not worth doing anything about it. Maybe the person who is interrupting is just excited about what you’re saying and wants to pitch in.

Establish expectations from the start. For instance, before you start the meeting, say something like, “I have a lot to say, some of it may seem a little out of the comfort zone, so I don’t want to lose my train of thought. If you can wait until I’m done with your comments, that would be great!”

Keep going. If someone is interrupting you, just keep talking. You may want to raise a finger indicating to wait a moment, and just continue with what you’re saying. They may get the hint and stop talking.

Ask questions. Instead of getting frustrated, you may want to ask questions. The person may actually have some really good ideas that can piggyback off of what you’re saying. It could make your presentation even better, even add to it.

Address it head on. You can look at the person and say, “I really want to hear what you have to say, but let me just finish my thought, I don’t want to forget it.” It’s non-confrontational and gets the point across.

Thank you for your questions. Please share them on if you know someone with similar issues.

If you have a question of your own, please leave it in the “Comment” section or email me at: [email protected].

My name is Rossana Snee. I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. You can find me on Talkspace.com if you ever need someone to talk to.

I upload a video every Friday morning at 7:00 a.m. PST on a variety of subjects. Recently, I’ve started using a different format, that of a Q & A. I will be doing more of that in the future. Please feel free to leave your question in the comment box, and I will do my best to answer it the following week.

If there is anything you’d like me to discuss, please also leave your comments in the comment section.

If there is a situation weighing heavy on your mind with which you need some help, please email me at: [email protected].

I am the author of, The Healing Alphabet, 26 Empowering Ways to Enrich Your Life.

Video Editor: Joshua Snee

Intro Music: John Lynch