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If you wish you could develop the confidence to speak up and start affecting people more deeply, then this is the episode for you!

Today, we’re going to be discussing how to become the most powerful, assertive version of yourself so that you can learn to speak up and stop being afraid of what other people will think of you.

When you’re feeling frustrated, irritated, or resentful, that is just one sign that you need to be more assertive.

Often, we experience these emotions because we can’t get away from the situation that is making us feel them. This is why they usually rear their ugly heads around coworkers, bosses, partners, and spouses. Hence, when we notice the recurring patterns that bring these emotions about, we need to take note and introduce assertive communication.

Instead, thought, people who are afraid to speak up prefer to avoid confrontation by telling themselves a story that keeps them safe:

         It’s my fault because I should be more tolerant.

         Everyone acts like that once in a while.

         What s/he said wasn’t that bad, and I deserved it, anyway.

Whenever that urge to speak up for yourself begins to arise, you must resist the need to stuff it down and ignore it. Acknowledge the feeling and understand that you have a right to speak up.

The next thing you need to do is actually make your voice heard.

This part is especially hard for people who worry about what others are going to think. We imagine it coming out all wrong, we see the other person or people getting upset with us, and we invent a ridiculous set of circumstances from which we’ll never bounce back.

Fact: communication is healthy, essential part of any ongoing relationship.

No matter what kind of relationship you’re working with—friend, colleague, lover—it will be made stronger if you are able to communicate openly and directly.

In fact, if you’re in an ongoing relationship and have never come across a reason to disagree or discuss conflict, then there’s something wrong: you’re stuck, distant, or doomed.

So, if direct, assertive communication is essential to a thriving relationship, how to we work toward being able to speak up for ourselves in an honest way?

Discover what’s bothering you, and dive right in.

Maybe this sounds obvious, but let me tell you why it needs to be said: even after we finally admit that we have a problem with assertiveness, we will still do anything to avoid conflict.

         Ok, I know I need to speak up and have a conversation with this person, but first I’m going to figure out exactly what to say.

         Now I’m going to go figure out exactly how to say it, so I don’t upset them.

         Now I have to practice it so it comes out perfectly.

         Now I need to consider how they’re going to react, so I know how to respond.

We can literally spend decades of our lives timidly avoiding conflict and never actually having the conversation that needs to happen.

The truth is that there is no way to avoid conflict: no matter how much time you spend planning, the conversation is going to be a little uncomfortable, and you’re probably going to have to work through an emotion or two together.

When something is bothering you, avoiding the conflict is not going to work—you must confront the issue and solve the problem.

This does not mean, however, that you have to have an attitude. It is possible to be direct without being aggressive (hence, the word “assertive”).

The best way to accomplish this is by invoking curiosity, rather than anger. I like to do this by using the phrase, “I noticed. . . .”





Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411

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