Tim Ferriss — My Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse

For me, this is the most important podcast episode I’ve ever published.

In it, I describe the most life-shaping, certainly the most difficult, and certainly the most transformative journey of my 43 years on this planet. I’ve never shared it before.

My dance partner and safety net in this conversation is my friend Debbie Millman (@debbiemillman). She has been named one of the most creative people in business by Fast Company, and she is the host of Design Matters—a great show and one of the world’s longest running podcasts. She is also Chair of the Masters in Branding Program at the School of Visual Arts and Editorial Director of Print magazine, and she has worked on design strategy for some of the world’s largest brands.

But I didn’t ask Debbie to join me because of her bio. I asked Debbie because she’s a close confidante, she’s an excellent interviewer, and she’s been an incredible support for me in the last few years, including late-night emergency phone calls. Last but not least, she and I have experienced similar trauma but have taken two very different paths to healing using very different tools. So, you get a two-for-one deal in this conversation.

All resources mentioned in this episode—and many more—are listed at https://tim.blog/2020/09/14/how-to-he.... If you have tips, advice, or resources that have helped you, please share in the comments.

And if you remember only one thing, remember this: there is light on the other side. I wouldn’t have believed this even five years ago, but I now consider myself living proof that deep, lasting change is possible. Don’t give up. You are never alone, and it is never hopeless. I’m right there alongside you, as are millions of others.

Much love to you and yours,

Tim

P.S. Disclaimer: Debbie and I are not doctors or therapists, and we don’t play them on the internet. This episode and blog post are for informational purposes only, and nothing is intended as professional or medical advice in any capacity. Please be smart and be safe.

The importance of doing this now [04:42]
Remembering what I forced myself to forget [09:45]
Jack Kornfield and my 10-day Vipassana silent retreat [11:54]
Inexplicable behaviors making sense [14:23]
Not dealing with my trauma was just dealing with it poorly [17:10]
A concerning symptom and the evolutionary miracle of dissociation [18:14]
How common is sexual abuse? [21:59]
Debbie shares the story of her own trauma [24:44]
The Joyful Heart Foundation and eradicating the rape kit backlog [28:38]
Debbie's life-changing experience and its aftermath [30:32]
On having a guide who can help you through the darkness [37:45]
Trauma toolkit resources [39:03]
Help from heart rate variability (HRV) training [43:32]
Enneagram personality typing may be useful [46:03]
Alternatives to ayahuasca for trauma treatment [47:06]
If you are trying to work through trauma, perhaps for the first time [50:22]
On getting the most from talk therapy [54:39]
Drawbacks and dangers of antidepressants [59:34]
Suicide and what we're really trying to kill [1:05:38]
Trauma toolkit resources [1:09:29]
"What are you unwilling to feel?" —Tara Brach [1:14:39]
Healing the wounds of—and nurturing—the past self [1:20:48]
Aim for "one notch more hope than shame" [1:25:53]
The perpetual act of recovery isn’t incompleteness but connection [1:27:47]
Therapeutic effects of reading the stories of other trauma survivors [1:32:30]
Shifting shame and creating a new vocabulary [1:33:37]
On tracking and confronting our perpetrators [1:34:39]
Forgiveness and anger [1:44:00]
Coping behaviors [1:56:19]
The benefits of both seeking and giving support [1:59:02]
How to respond to women or men who share their experiences [1:59:22]
A change in my perspective [2:06:45]
My hope for listeners [2:13:07]
Parting thoughts and my great gratitude to Debbie [2:15:28]

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About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 500 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.

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