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Dialoguing Prompts:

Question 1) Feeling like a tag along and can’t jump in.
Try reparenting by dialoging on paper with your inner child and ask them,

What are they afraid of if they jump in? What do they think is going to happen?
What does jumping into to conversation take them back to in childhood?
Are they a friend of being socially awkward like your parents.


Then 3 things,
1) validate how off it was to be a kid seeing your parents crazy yet oblivious social awkwardness and
2) hold your parents accountable for wrecking social engagement and that any shame or entitlement belongs to them.
3) remind your inner child that you’re at lunch or having drinks with people you like without those heavy icky religious traps going on and how how you’re different than your family, how the group of people are different.

Question 2 - leaving friendships when they start
The work is going to be around helping your inner child get rid of your mother’s narrative but talking about what’s good enough. So like the last question.

1)What does having friendships take you back to?
2)What is your inner child’s fear - let them speak about it but you already know
3)What are the specific things our mother told us about friendships that we need to kick out of our head?

Three things to do in the dialogue
Validate the child’s experience growing up - not so much the present
Hold the abusive parents accountable
Help your inner child see how you can be more present and don’t have to be that vigilant about what you say and what you don’t say

To the author, you’re asking really about how to reclaim intimacy, like the last question, not so much about feeling excluded but I really like that you know a part of you does feel excluded. Sometimes inner children want people to chase us but we’ve said goodbye upfront.

Question 3) Am I being too much

Try reparenting by dialoging on paper with your inner child and ask them,

What kind of response did you want from your friend about their boyfriend. What kind of connection were you seeking?
When if feels like people aren’t being real or working on themselves, what does that take us back to?
What happens in our lives when we try to get people to be more real and we might over do it?
What did it feel like to grow up in a family that never brought real issues up?


Try to help your inner child understand that:
The intensity is about trying to get your family to be honest and is now pushing people away
It’s ok to reserve a real connection with a few select people in our lives in small chunks. All the time is maybe too much
Your family set you up to be intense around connection and it would be good to let people open up to your on their own - not because we bring it up


Some things to consider for your inner adult to differentiate between past and present.

Was your family fake about important things that ended up hurting you or others - like an affair?
Was your family fake with other people and that seemed like a betrayal - like social with neighbors but repressed at home.
Was your family fake about being a family when they were messed up adult pretending to family.


If you would like to learn more about inner child reparenting, I offer a course ("Reparenting The Inner Child") that teaches you how to do it. Learn more 👇
https://patrickteahantherapy.webflow....


Learn more about Patrick Teahan, Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ https://linktr.ee/patrickteahan

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   • Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream  

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