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*Psychological Comedy: "Amateur Self‑Analysis"*

One day, Sasha decided to "work through his childhood traumas" on his own — no therapist, just YouTube videos. Armed with a notebook, he lit an aromatic candle and торжественно (with great ceremony) announced to his cat:

— Barсик, today we’re going to do some deep reflection!

Here’s how it went, step by step:

*1. The "Problem Identification" Stage*
Sasha wrote down: "Why am I always late? It must be because my mom used to yell, 'Get ready faster!' when I was a kid. Now I subconsciously rebel against it."
Barсик yawned and lay down on the notebook.

*2. The "Emotional Processing" Stage*
Sasha closed his eyes, imagined himself as a five‑year‑old, and whispered:
— Little Sasha, I accept you. You don’t have to rush.
Just then, his alarm went off: "Video meeting in 15 minutes." Sasha jumped up: "Damn, I’m late again!"

*3. The "Rewriting the Script" Stage*
He tried to mentally tell his inner child: "Now you can arrive on time and feel calm."
But his inner child replied: "Yeah, right. I’d rather watch one more episode before work."

*4. The "Reinforcing the Result" Stage*
Sasha wrote on a sticky note: "I am the master of my time" and stuck it on his monitor. Five minutes later, the note peeled off and stuck to his coffee cup.
— That’s a sign, — Sasha sighed. — Coffee first, self‑development later.

In the end, he was 20 minutes late for the meeting, but at least:
he honestly admitted he’d been "working on himself";
got a colleague’s advice: "Maybe just set your alarm an hour earlier?";
promised himself to "start tomorrow" (again).

Meanwhile, Barсик, watching this whole performance, thought: "Humans are so complicated. I just sleep when I want and eat when I’m hungry. No traumas whatsoever."