We have revolutionized the cup noodle

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The year is 1977. The Mikoyan and Gurevich Design Bureau has been the symbol of Soviet dominance in aviation and aerospace for over forty years. We are proud to unveil the next chapter of Mikoyan-Gurevich superiority in design and engineering. As expected of a product of fallacious western ideology, the cup noodle is fragile, impractical, incapable, and anemic. With a low service ceiling and a slow maximum rated speed, the current iteration of cup noodles is thoroughly useless for practical use and completely unfit for Soviet consumption. The cup noodle is outdated and in desperate need of modernization. That is why the Mikoyan-Gurevich cup noodle will be manufactured using nickel-steel alloy, enabling it to withstand speeds of over three thousand kilometers per hour. In addition, the availability of this material will allow the Mikoyan-Gurevich to be manufactured on a grander scale that will inevitably lead to the domination of the Mikoyan-Gurevich cup noodle as it fills the shelves of markets everywhere and puts all other cup noodles to shame with its superior design and durability.