The Way of the Mister: And I'm a Formon

My personal response to the ubiquitous and information-free "And I'm a Mormon" ad campaign.
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Transcript:

I'm Brian Dalton. I'm the writer, director, and creator of the "Mr. Deity Show."
Well, for the first 27 years of my life, I was a Latter-Day Saint — a Mormon. Uhm... I' lef the Church in 1993...
(Laughs) Yeah, that's an understatement. My life has changed in some pretty dramatic ways.
How has it changed? Uhm... I guess, in general, I'd just say that its a lot less... crazy. For instance...
The slightly crazy...
I no longer believe in the Golden plates of "Reformed Egyptian."
I no longer believe that the Hebrews were a "white and delightsome" people 600 years before Christ.
I no longer believe that men who claim to speak for God reveal anything but their own arrogance and self-delusion.
I no longer believe in three heavens.
I no longer believe in excommunicating historians whose only fault is telling the truth.
I no longer believe that I am a literal spirit child of God.
I no longer worry about a sip of wine or enjoying a cup of coffee.
I no longer believe that when the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done.
The slightly more crazy...
I no longer believe that we all have a mother in heaven.
I no longer believe that God is such a poor communicator that he said "horse" but meant "deer."
I no longer believe that a burning in my bosom is any indication of truth or value.
I no longer believe that Jesus visited the Americas after his resurrection.
I no longer believe that an institution which changes its doctrines as our culture evolves is in any way directed by a transcendent being.
I no longer believe that other men understand God better than I do, or speak for and/or with him on a regular basis.
The fairly crazy...
I no longer believe that the Native Americans are Hebrews.
I no longer believe that homosexuality is a sin.
I no longer believe in secret handshakes, key words, or new names.
I no longer believe in a place called "Adam-ondi-ahman" or that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri.
I no longer believe in taking oaths of secrecy.
I no longer believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers.
I no longer five 10% of my gross income to a multi-billion dollar corporation.
I no longer believe that a stone knife is a good substitute for what the Book of Mormon very specifically calls a "steel sword."
The fully crazy...
I no longer believe that black people are black because they fought less valiantly in some war in heaven.
I no longer believe that polygamy was ever a divine institution or that God may have many wives.
I no longer believe in prophets who taught that there were people on the moon.
I no longer believe that God is merely an exalted man with a body of flesh and bone.
I no longer believe that women are unqualified or ill-suited for leadership positions in any organization.
I no longer believe that God once lived on a planet just as we do now.
The bats#!t crazy...
I no longer believe in a god who punishes people by darkening their skin.
I no longer believe that an ordinary Egyptian funerary text from the Common Era contains the writings of Father Abraham.
I no longer believe that I can become a god with him own universe, planets, and people to worship me.
I no longer believe in being vicariously baptized for dead people.
I no longer believe that our god is merely one god in a potentially infinite series of gods.
I no longer believe that dark-skinned people can become light-skinned people by living the Mormon gospel.
I no longer wear religiously prescribed underwear, nor do I believe that such a thing protects anyone.
I no longer believe that God lives on or near a planet or star named "Kolob."
I no longer believe that placing one's face in a hat containing a "seer-stone" is a reliable means of translating an ancient language.
The unconscionable...
I no longer believe that my happiness is enhanced by my obedience to other men's ideas of how I should live my life.
I'm Brian Dalton. I'm a writer. I'm a director. I'm a rational human being.
And I'm a Formon (former Mormon).

And keep an eye out for David Fitzgerald's excellent new book on Mormonism (soon to be released):
http://www.facebook.com/TheCompleteHe...