Biggest Mistake That Doesn't Let You Heal: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

When it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse, it does not start with dealing with memories or directly working on heavy emotions.

It does not start with grieving. It does not start with moving or letting go or even accepting or the big word forgiving? Where does it start then? It starts with something very important that most of the survivors miss to do or don't know that they need to do when it comes to recovery and healing after narcissistic abuse.

Hi, I am Danish Bashir, a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Professional, and today I will be talking about the most common mistake that survivors of narcissistic abuse make when it comes to the healing process. Imagine a person going for an adventure to a jungle where there is no way of communicating with the rest of the world, where the person would have to use primal instincts of fight, flight freeze and, you know, thinking when it comes to surviving in that kind of environment and somehow the whole communication is lost and this person gets lost in this jungle, in this forest and now has to find its way out, what would be the main things that this person would think when they are in the forest?

They would, of course, think of shelter, food, fire, keeping him or herself safe from wild animals and somehow finding a way to get out of there and meet people and get rescued. Correct. The same way when you are in a narcissistic relationship, your brain is in a complete survival mode and so is your body.

And when you come out of the relationship, you can not expect yourself going through the memories or thinking about letting go or moving on or forgiving or even working with the heavy emotions is the same way you would not expect this person who has survived the jungle, you know, to talk about the whole experience, to start working again, to get started with the normal routine. You would not do that. What you would do is you would help the person to feel safe first, let them know that they are out of it and kind of regain that stability and sense of safety back.

The same thing applies to the healing process when it comes to effective healing and the healing that really lasts and makes deep changes in you. When it comes to healing the first thing is not working on memories or emotions, as I said, but the first thing that you must do is find that sense of stability and safety back.

It's working on your nervous system, helping your brain, body and your soul to come out of that survival state and be in that regulated present moment state where you can have the access to that executive functioning and where you are not in one of the trauma responses.

When it comes to basic safety, for sure, shelter, food, connection and things that are basic to us, they matter. So that is there you have to begin and then slowly establishing the sense of safety, internal as well as external has to be worked on. You would have to work on the skills and learn how to find that stability back again so that you could feel safe, know how to deal with triggers and kind of carry on with your life.

And once that is done, you then begin grieving and remembering what happened in the past. This is a point where those big names, EMDR, EFT, Hypnosis, that kind of stuff comes in and they help you with trauma processing. And then you go on and just do that kind of work.

Remember, healing is not about digging in always or working on memories. It begins with regaining that sense of self-safety and stability back. I hope today I was able to explain and help you understand what is important when it comes to healing and what you must do. I'll talk with you very soon. Till then let the healing begin.





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