“Forgive & Forget” Doesn’t Work in Trauma Therapy [Dumb Things Therapists Say Series]

Forgiveness in therapy is a complex and often misunderstood concept. Many clients have been pressured to forgive their abusers or "just let it go," but this approach can be harmful and retraumatizing. True healing comes from understanding that what happened wasn't your fault, processing your emotions safely, and rebuilding trust in yourself.

I've seen how EMDR can help desensitize traumatic memories without forcing forgiveness. The body stores trauma, making it impossible to simply forget. Instead, we work to integrate experiences in a way that allows us to feel safe and empowered again.

This episode explores alternatives to the "forgive and forget" narrative that respect your healing journey. We'll discuss how to honor your anger as a protective force, forgive the parts of yourself that feel blame or shame, and reclaim your sense of safety and trust. Your only job in therapy is to reconnect with yourself and your inherent worth. And this message is for both individuals in therapy and their therapists.

Join me as we dive into this important topic and empower both therapists and clients to approach trauma healing with compassion, understanding and respect for each individual's process.


The Zero Disturbance podcast is for educational purposes and is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or individualized mental health or medical care.


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With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

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