How to Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

This video describes what narcissistic abuse is in terms of how narcissists behave towards people around them. I discuss what effects it has on their children and partners and what we can do to heal from narcissistic abuse.
Healing is possible.

Healing takes place through:

Knowledge – read everything you can about psychological subjects (like NPD, Complex PTSD and co-dependency) which are relevant to you. Learning leads to:

Understanding – you will develop an understanding of yourself and things will start to make sense which leads to:

Acceptance of yourself – this means you will stop judging yourself so harshly and your self-worth will increase which leads to:

Self-compassion – you will develop compassion towards yourself and this leads to:

Self-awareness – the fear of looking within yourself will disappear and with self-awareness comes the ability to recognise patterns in your behaviour which leads to:

Change – you will have the knowledge and ability to change your life.
Knowledge and Understanding

In pursuit of healing, understanding NPD can be liberating as children of narcissists realise that the treatment they received was impersonal because the narcissist cannot see their child as a person, the narcissist can only see their own needs. Knowledge leads to self-acceptance.

We change our brains through a combination of processing the suppressed emotional pain and becoming more mindful, self-aware and compassionate towards ourselves.

Self-Awareness and Triggers

Many children of narcissists will have some self-awareness but much of their emotional life will be repressed. Knowledge of NPD and the understanding that this brings will lead to acceptance of the self and this opens up self-awareness.

The development of self-awareness slowly brings the suppressed feelings and thoughts into conscious awareness. Self-awareness combined with self-acceptance gives individuals the ability to change their behaviours. The unconscious needs to be made conscious so that it is no longer an influence that seems, at times, to be beyond control.

Gaining awareness of the inner self makes change possible.

Self-awareness can be developed by just noticing our feelings in an inquisitive and non-judgmental way, i.e., “OK, I am feeling really angry now, I wonder why? What happened, what was the trigger?” Sometimes it can be obvious, but at other times it is not immediately apparent. Inquisitiveness helps to develop new neurons in the prefrontal cortex area of the brain which is responsible for reasoning and logic (changes then happen through neuroplasticity). When we are triggered, defence mechanisms in other parts of the brain which do not have rational, logical thinking skills have taken over in an attempt to protect.

There are constant triggers in the environment which can evoke strong and sometimes extreme emotions and reactions. Try not to berate yourself for anything you are feeling. Just notice it.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is all about getting to know yourself. Children of narcissists often think that their symptoms of trauma are their character (such as an addiction, people pleasing or irritability) when they are actually coping mechanisms which will fade with healing. It helps to get ‘back in touch’ with the body and emotions and develop self-awareness. It is the opposite of the dissociation that has often taken place for someone with trauma.

Grounding techniques which calm the nervous system are really important for people who have Complex PTSD.

Deep breathing exercises are useful. This calms down the nervous system if it becomes dysregulated (hyper or hypoaroused).

Why Do I feel Unstable?
   • Why Do I Feel Unstable? How Our Brain...  

Triggers and How they Work
   • Complex PTSD: What are Triggers and H...  

International Trauma Questionnaire
https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...

James Masterson - Search for The Real Self
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Search-Real-...

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Childr...

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Empathy

https://childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...