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Dooley Noted: 6/8/2015

Blowing Up the Water Bottle

Anyone that knows me understands how important I feel breath work is for mobility, stability and strength.

No patient escapes it.

None ever will on my watch.

And if your therapists in every realm aren't talking about it, kindly walk away and find new therapists.

Breathing drills have kept me off medication since 2000, when I was first diagnosed with anxiety.

I knew then that I had a choice.

I could be on pills all my life.

Or, I could in-source and take back control of my airway.

I chose the latter, which put me on a road to learning I was in control of my anxiety.

Tonight, I took my breathing and anxiety control to the next level.

I blew up a hot water bottle, an approved drill by my strongman strength coach, Chris Rider.

He coached me how to do it safely, and we began my quest to blow up the bottle.

I attempted three times unsuccessfully to blow it up to the point of it exploding.

The first time, I felt anxious in my chest.

The second time, I felt out of control in my breathing to the point of lightheadedness.

And on the third attempt, I watched the balloon expand so large that I was fearful of its bursting.

Chris had me wear safety goggles and prepared me for the fact I might get minor whelps.

He trained me how to get out of the skill safely, so that I wouldn't get hurt.

On the fourth attempt, I had to focus on the breathing and trust Chris's voice.

It's hard to trust that others can see you succeeding.

But sometimes they do before you do.

Chris said, "I want you to burst this bottle so much. But you have to want it more than I do."

Towards the middle and end, you see minor hesitation.

As I felt the balloon expand to hit my arms, I nearly used my safe way out.

But I heard Chris' voice, telling me I was almost there.

And like a lightning flash - I blew up the bottle to explosion.

I have a very minor whelp in my forearm.

But more importantly - I am basking in the pure joy of completing a goal in the face of fear.

I failed three times.

And then, I succeeded.

It was a high like I only experience when I've conquered a fear.

I was afraid I might choke.

I was afraid of the unknown - like what would happen when it exploded.

I was afraid of letting myself down.

Chris asked me why I hesitated a few times in the successful run.

Truth be told, I wanted to back out.

But I just got back to my breath, and I - quite literally - blew up my goal.

If you have a goal, I hope you keep at it.

I hope you surround yourself with patient people to assure you stay on track.

And I hope you dig deep in the face of fear to trust your breathing.

You might find yourself blissful and anxiety-free on the other side.

As always, it's your call.

Dr. Kathy Dooley