Relationship OCD? 10 Tips for ROCD

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ROCD like all OCD lives in the imagination and the doubt and uncertainty tries to convince you that your doubts are true.

There are some common core fears in people with ROCD. These fears include:

• Making a wrong choice in partners
• Settling in a relationship
• Feeling unhappy, unattracted, or numb in the relationship
• Making a choice that will result in hurt, disappointment, disgrace, embarrassment or ruin.
• Missing out on a better relationship.

The doubts and the fears are there. But IT IS believing the doubts and fears as if they were facts. And reacting to the anxiety with compulsions and avoidance behaviors that feed and propel the ROCD cycle.

It is important to recognize compulsions so that you can resist them.

Common ROCD compulsions can include things like:
• Ruminating about the “rightness” or “wrongness” of your relationship.
• Comparing your partner to others or to past relationships
• Analyzing traits, especially negative traits about your partner
• Avoiding commitment
• Avoiding steps like being exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged or married
• Possibly frequent break-ups and then getting back together
• Obsessive confessing about your lack of feelings or attraction
• Compulsive Checking on your level of attraction or happiness
• Reassurance seeking from family and friends, therapists or relationship sites

Here are 10 tips to help you with ROCD:
1. Recognize that your doubt is ocd. Doubt may show up as what-if questions or even emotional numbing like it did for Rob.

2. The relentless confusion and the urgency to take action is also OCD. You don’t have to figure it out now. Allow the discomfort and the anxiety to just be there unattended and let time pass.

3. Use the I. A.M. method to help you with any compulsive urges or compulsions:

a. The (I) stands for Identify. Identify the intrusive thought, the doubt or the urge. “There you are OCD.” You can even name it or label it. This helps to separate you from your ocd.

b. The (A) stands for Allow. Just allow whatever is there to be there. You are not pushing it away or frustrated and you are not engaging in any compulsions to reduce your discomfort.

c. And the (M) stands for shifting your focus or attention in the moment to something else. It helps if you have something that you can do. This is what people do that have recovered from OCD.

4. You could plan more intentional ERP (exposure and response prevention) to trigger your core fears.

5. You could write, record and listen to scripts about your imagined, worst-case relationship scenarios.

6. You could set a timer on your phone for every 60 to 90 minutes during your waking hours. And when the timer goes off you read and linger on your obsessive thoughts on purpose without doing any compulsions to relieve your anxiety.

7. You could put stickers on your devices and throughout your home to remind to you to think of your uncomfortable thoughts on purpose in order to be less reactive to those thoughts.

8. With all of these techniques, it is important to vary them and always practice response prevention and resist your compulsions before, during and after your exposures.

9. And most importantly, practice self-compassion as ROCD causes so much personal anguish and recovery is a process.

10. There is also therapy called inference- based CBT that focuses on resolving the initial doubt and confusion.

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(Although Paige Pradko is a licensed psychotherapist, the views expressed on this video and this YouTube channel including comments or any related content should not be taken for medical, psychological or psychiatric advice. Always contact your physician and mental health provider before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.)