Serving a Mission as a Gay Son of a Mormon Bishop - Evan and Weston Smith Pt.2 | Ep. 1667

Content Warning: Suicidal Ideation

In Part 2 of 3, we start off where we left with Weston’s story growing up as a gay Mormon kid, discovering his sexuality, suicidal ideation, decides to serve a mission as an “out” gay Mormon but upon suicidality in mission he gets a “spiritual” experience, resolving to leave and be happy outside of the Church. Evan gets a call to become a 1st counselor in the Stake Presidency.

Gay LDS Crossroads: https://www.gayldscrossroads.org/
This Body of Water: Surviving Mormonism as a Queer Man: https://www.amazon.com/This-Body-Wate...

Note: At the 1:06:45 mark in this episode, Evan inadvertently misstated the findings from a study. Here is a more accurate description of the study (which is found in a side note included in the Preface to his book):

“[A] peer-reviewed 2020 study conducted by James McGraw at Bowling Green State University (BGSU) and his colleagues found that lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) Utahns are over 4.5 times more likely to have recently thought about suicide/self-harm and nearly 10 times as likely to have attempted suicide in their lifetimes when compared to heterosexual Utahns. What’s even more alarming is that the rates of suicidal thinking and suicide attempts among LGB Utahns were around three times higher than the rates among LGB non-Utahns living in the U.S., Canada, and Europe. The rates of suicidal thinking and suicide attempts among heterosexuals in and out of Utah were not found to be nearly as divergent (https://bit.ly/3Cv5goK).

Some people have postulated that Utah’s high altitude is a contributing factor to the high suicide rate among LGBTQ people. But I think the fact that the rates for straight folks in and out of Utah were not as different as the rates for LGB folks in and out of Utah suggests that Utah’s high altitude is not the primary reason LGB Utahns are so much more prone to suicide. It’s important to note that the BGSU study does not propose a reason for its findings or address the influence of religious beliefs at all. But I think when its findings are read in conjunction with those of the above-referenced study from the University of Georgia regarding the traumatic effects of some church teachings on LGBTQ Latter-day Saints (https://bit.ly/3CwGC7e), it’s not difficult to identify a distinguishing factor about Utah that could be making it harder for LGB people who live there to avoid suicidal thoughts.”

Chapters:
00:00:00 Intro & recap
00:25:00 Weston’s struggles dating girls, pornography, the shame spiral, experiences suicidality, comes out to his family
00:51:00 Struggles with constant family messaging in lessons and at the Temple, knowing he will never have a family like the Church wants him to have.
00:56:00 Weston loses faith but stays in the Church for family and social connections
01:09:00 Mormon Doctrine vs Altitude on LGBTQ suicidality
01:20:00 Weston still decides to serve a mission & serves in Brazil.
02:17:00 Weston becomes suicidal again, has affirming spiritual experience & decides to go home. His Mission President tells him to distance himself from his family.
02:38:00 LGBT deaths and people being numb to it. Christ’s condemnation of the Pharisees as applied to the modern Mormon church.

Episode Show Notes
https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast...

Evan & Wes Playlist
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