They Came Back And Left Again

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They Came Back and Left Again

Couple in their late 30s. Knew each other 19 years ago and dated, broke up. Dated again for about 3 months.

We dated most recently for 3 months, was long distance but several visits, daily communiaiton, was amazing
We met outside her salon about 19 years ago, dated back then for a few months, she left me, we lost touch and reconnected a few months ago.

No, my proposal started the downward spiral.
She had a bad child hood, sister died when was very young, mother died when she was 2
-Happened gradually over two weeks after I proposed (she had been asking me to propose knew it was coming, was excited about moving to DC together). -Said I was perfect to her, she enjoyed out time together but she feels pressured, doesn’t know if she can be married again, doesn’t want to leave the life she has known for 19 years, want to be alone, does not know if she will feel the same in the future
-hopes I can forgive her one day

-I handled it pretty well, was able to get her to agree to us taking some time apart to make sure, told her I am here if she is ready to talk …
-Told her the concerns of marriage and moving can be put aside, we can focus on dating and getting to know each other more, having fun
-Suggested that she send my grandmothers ring back and delete me from facebook when she knows for certain I am not the one (it was not the engagement ring).. she agreed, still has her facebook as in a relationship with me which for her I know means something.

She said the problem was long distance andfear of getting married again, having to move, leave her life and independence
-Although she did not say it the anniversary of her first husbands death is this memorial day, it depresses her every year, I fear that may be a factor as well

I don’t know that total no contact for any length time will work, It does not feel like a breakup, more of a break where she needs a lot of space but still needs to know I am here.

I feel like that with a few weeks she might come around but I think we really need to talk about what caused her anxiety and just focus on one date at time. What is the best plan to get her to ‘come to the table’ so to speak. I think she if agreed to meet for dinner in a few weeks we could make some headway