Anxiety and Avoidance as Dimensional States of Being

If you are receiving this email, you must have expressed an interest in learning more about attachment styles to help decode some of the unhappy patterns in your love life.

If that’s the case, I am sure you’ve learned a lot just by virtue of being on my list!

But you’ve also been left with a few reflections that don’t quite seem to fit the paradigm.

“I think I am primarily anxious, but sometimes I see avoidant tendencies in myself.”
“I suppose I would be considered avoidant, but its only BECAUSE I am so anxious!”
“I think my attachment style changes according to my partner’s attachment style.”
“I am having a hard time deciding what attachment style I am, because I feel like I embody at least a little bit of all of them.”

If this feels familiar, you are going to enjoy today’s curveball of a video!

Now, often attachment styles are considered categorically, and that is…

Open Hearts: Individuals that want a lot of closeness with a partner, typically have anxious attachment; I call them "Open Hearts."
Rolling Stones: Individuals who want more space, usually have avoidant attachment; I call them "Rolling Stones."
Spice of Lifers:Individuals that both want and fear closeness, are sometimes considered fearful avoidant or disorganized; I call them "Spice of Lifers."
Cornerstones: Individuals who are comfortable with closeness and separateness in relationships are considered securely attached; I call them "Cornerstones."

But this approach by itself, has MASSIVE holes when we look at the anecdotal experiences of individuals struggling with insecure attachment.

Don’t get me wrong: attachment styles are a basis upon which you can start to understand yourself and your partners in context, but they are also dimensional states of being, and often paradoxical in their expression.

In other words, while many people view anxiety and avoidance on opposite ends of the spectrum, I think it is actually much more fluid than that; It's not a case of opposites attract, but a case of like sees like.

To learn more watch the video!

⭐WANT TO LEARN MORE? ⭐

Take the attachment styles quiz:
http://bit.ly/4LuvStylesYT

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