May My Worship Be Pure | Worship Set | 4.5.24

Hi friends and family ~ Hope everyone is doing great ◡̈

I had the joy of being able to worship together with my talented and precious friends Josh Lee & Stephen Jang. Stephen (the electric guitarist) is actually the videographer that has been helping me with all the amazing videography on this channel recently & Josh (the acoustic player) is the one who mainly mixes my sets! Glad you can all finally meet the faces behind the scenes haha

TLDR: This is a pretty niche but vulnerable and personal devo today haha

Recently I’ve been wrestling a lot in my season of being a worship leader/ worshipper and called to that by the Lord. I feel like God has been opening up so many new doors and opportunities that I could never even imagine I would get the privilege to do, because He is expanding my worship into the places He wants to use me. But I’ve been having a hard time because this is all new territory for me. Because of toxic teachings & lies (growing up in the Korean church tbh) that I’ve been taught, I have this weird sense of belief that saying yes to God using me for greater or bigger things is selfish and prideful. That even though my entire intention to say yes to certain opportunities is solely to glorify and praise god, I feel afraid that unconsciously I would be doing it for man or for prideful intentions. Almost like I’m afraid I’ll be misunderstood by God or even by others? Jesus is my most precious and valuable treasure, He means everything to me and I think because I value Him so much, I’m so afraid of messing things up. I’m so afraid of EVER bringing worship that’s not pure or genuine and because I don’t trust my flesh and myself, and I have made so many mistakes in the past, I’m so fearful that I’ll unknowingly fall into performative worship or worship catered to fear of man over fear of the Lord. In which I would never want to compromise my worship to become anything like that.

I also have a lot of fear of man, so I'm afraid of being misunderstood, doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. But I'm learning to be okay even in my weakness, if only God understands me & fighting for a greater fear of the Lord than man, always.

The truth I’m trying to relearn is that God is glorified through us bearing much fruit for His name. That it’s not wrong to want to lead many to His name.

John 15:8 “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

Colossians 3:16-17

I think it is good that I am in this place of fear and reverence of the Lord, a fear of losing my intimacy and genuinity in relationship with Him. I never want to EVER get so comfortable in my worship that I stop trembling in the presence of my God and at His word. I don’t ever want to become numb to the sacred holiness of worship.

Now this is my desire. But I am a sinner. And I’m just struggling with the fear that I’ll unknowingly fall into pride. And I just. Never want to lose humility. Idk I’m like struggling with how to formulate my words

But I realized that a lot of this comes from this false idea that I am the one carrying my righteousness, my purity, my intimacy, and anointing (OOF) + etc. When its always been God carrying our relationship by His love, grace and mercy, not me. I am only where I am, who I am, doing what I am doing, because of God and only God. Yet, I feel like I have to keep it up and carry the weight of doing everything perfectly with no slip ups! When the truth is that the Lord is carrying me… He knows my weakness. He already knows when I’m going to mess up and still wants to use me anyways for His glory, so long as I just try my best to abide and be obedient. To the best of my abilities. I can't control anything else. And I am going to mess up! But when I do, as long as I'm walking with Him, by His grace and love, He'll kindly re-posture me back to where I need to be. I think even here, I struggle with feeling insecure that I'm not worthy enough to be in the places He's calling me to be.

So this set came out of a cry of my heart & surrender that the Lord would keep me pure and humble. To never lose my understanding that I am nothing and nobody without Him. I need Him, even in worshipping Him! That by His grace, He would keep my worship pure, never swayed by fear of man or my own weaknesses even, but that I would dwell in His presence all the days of my life with everything, EVERYTHING in my life, fixed on Him, for Him, and with Him. That I could worship pure and pleasing worship unto Him all the days of my life.

I love you, Lord. I want to bring you the very best. All my heart and my life and soul. So would you keep me where I need to be, so that I may be everywhere you want me to be. And would my whole life, be only for your glory.

Im honestly undoing a lot of lies in my mind and just sharing my fears with yalls, but NOT leaning into the fear, AMEN!! hehe this is what walking with Jesus looks like, ups and downs ~ but thankful I can do it with you all ◡̈