The Two and a Half Feathers Series 3 Episode 65

we present arthur lowe, john measurer and clive done in dad's army with two and a half covers featuring john larry, arnold ridley and ian lavender with this week's guests bill petry, michael bates, larry, martin and avril lankers, [ Applause. ].

Here is the news, and this is jon snow reading it By the autumn of 1942. Almost the whole of the continent of europe is under the sway of the former lance corporal and one time house, painter from bavaria, adolph schuckelgruber, but our island fastest, thanks in no small way to the gallant efforts of the home guard remains in violet down at warmington. On sea three members of the local platoon captain mannering sergeant wilson and private pike are preparing to fortify the inner man in their local British restaurant.

What you're going to have today awesome right? I think i'd rather fancy the turd in the hole, sir um fish and potato pie for me. I think you were always one for adventure. Adventures.

Excuse me what what sort of fish is it it's nuke, a bigger pond. I thought it snoop. Are you dead for something? In that case, I think i'll have the toad in the hole.

I wish you'd make your mind Up right next. Could I have fish pie? Please one fish pie coming up. What sort of fish is it please? It's snook, oh, I think I have toad in the hole another one.

The fish pie is snook. Has everybody got that it's snook and don't forget to take your dirties back to the hatch when you're finished? I always do? Oh, no, you don't you left them on the table yesterday. I've got enough to do without clearing up your dirties.

Now. Look here. My good woman wilson, for Goodness sake, go and sit down, make an exhibition vision, but I do hate rudeness.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, mr mannery, what are you doing? Walker? Let's show me a second hello, edna, darling hello, mr walker, dear you got my steak snake. That's what I said. It's all ready for you, mr walker, medium rare, just as you like it, lovely hey.

What would you like with it? Oh just a Few spots and carrots. Oh crap, you are, mr walker, just just a minute walker. Why are they serving you with steak? Would it not, I brought it in earlier for them to cook? For me, oh wait.

Now, hey I love here's, the elastic! I promise you, oh so mr walker can't have them falling down on the job. Can we, mr you, can't go flaunting your black market food? All over the place, it'll give the Platoon a bad name, hello. I don't want to be rude, mr mannarin, but I am not wearing a uniform and i'm not on parade and what is more, I am a customer at your bank, with over 1500 nick are in the deposit account.

So if you don't mind, I will go and eat my dinner. It's 1542 actually that'll do I say wilson you've seen that enormous steak walker's got yes, it looks delicious. Excuse me, mr Manny, can you move that? Please don't sit here.

Pike go down to the other end of the table with walker. Oh all, right, then part of the rank and file eating with us wilson bed for discipline. Well, I gather in the german army all ranks eat together.

I'm sure that doesn't impress me very much. Let's look at this toad wilson suggested more than a mouthful, i'm in Somewhat of a dilemma. Here, sir, I don't know whether to eat my toad first or save it till the end.

Good morning, good morning, blimey he's a chocolate soldier. Look at that uniform, hello, joe hello pokey. You need to dress up.

You know it's only totally old. What do you mean? This? Is my dress, uniform? It's my regimental dinner tonight for The survivors of the battle of omnimum. Well, I hope they're not eating here.

Otherwise, there won't be any survivors, i'm going up to london abdomen, you say jones, yes, sir, it's the 42nd annual reunion of the veterans of the battle of andaman. I see him. I serve with distinction in that campaign, sir.

I should be mentioning dispatches, but I think they ran out of paper. That was the last time a great cavalry Charge was ever made by the british army. I can remember, as if it was yesterday, we were situated between two huge rocks, save a sec of argument, and these salt and pepper pots right right now.

Our general kitchener was here that that's this bottle of brown sauce and the mad margie was no hold on the brown sauce would better be the mad master. What I mean on account, he was brown, you see he's uh general kitchen. He better be this butler Tomorrow.

Sauce him having a sort of florida complexion you're with me, sir, I think so, generally yeah so here he was between the salt and the pepper, and here at the head of this army was the mad maddie. If you ask me it wasn't only the maori who was mad, I was just past the mustard pot. Joe, would you here it comes right now now I i impersonated by this Partner master, but here right next to the pepper.

I wasn't on my own. Of course there was other troops around me and suddenly a trumpet blew up telling this story from mr jones. Anyway, thousands of screaming dervishes came charging straight at us.