So How Has Being a Content Creator Been? (life update)

Links:
✿ My Discord:   / discord  
✿ YouTube:    / @riifushi  
✿ Instagram:   / riifushi  
✿ Ko-Fi: http://ko-fi.com/riifushi
✿ Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/riifushi
✿ Website: https://riifushi.carrd.co/

Contact:
✿ Email: [email protected]

Software/Brushes:
Art: Procreate
Sketch Brush: Sketch 5 2666 from Yuming - https://yumingli.gumroad.com/l/zaxPz
Coloring Brush: Hard Airbrush (default on Procreate)
Audio: Audacity
Editing: Capcut

[Intro] - 0:00
[Mental health] - 1:23
[What creators say about being a creator] - 2:54
[Parasocial] - 5:18
[What content should be like] - 8:34
[What now?] - 10:18
[Really, what now?] - 12:00 - 12:46

Us children grow up filled with dreams, but the world is unfair, many people work hard for what they want and oftentimes, it doesn’t work out. We make mistakes, blame ourselves or others, and lose hope for one reason or another. We stumble, wondering if things will ever turn our way, or if we will ever find what we’re looking for. Despite the effort we put in, happiness doesn’t come. Not everyone has the privilege to take it easy or change their circumstances, to even consider a possibility of realizing their dreams. But for those whose circumstances stem from within, who internalize self-hatred and blame, because we expect ourselves to do so much, “I should be able to do this because of [ ____ ]”, we are upset when we do less. We normalize our accomplishments, whether compared to others or ourselves from the past, while we grow disappointed with our failures, feeling like we are undeserving of our needs or must compete to stand out and be the most hardworking. We settle for less, believing that it is too late, and a happier future may not be possible anymore. When we try, we are faced with obstacles that pull us back down to where we once started, or even further back.

But what is that ultimate dream that you are seeking? Not one that you feel like you will be happy when you get there, but something that makes you excited each day. What is meaningful to you? What makes you happy? I cannot guarantee that you or I will ever reach that ultimate dream of ours, but I might as well keep trying as long as I can. If this lifetime feels meaningless, if the world is on fire around me, if I want to give up, then so be it. Maybe it’s all meaningless, but I’ll cling onto that memory and try when I can. Even if nobody around me believes in me, well so be it. Because, I only have my own life to live, and in this lifetime, I still would like to experience a miracle, something I thought could only happen in my dreams. Then I suppose, I have no choice but to believe in myself.

We live our lives frantically, worrying about standing out in a world of billions, trying to present ourselves at our best, feeling like a child being left behind in a grownup world, anxious about other’s responses, wondering if we can ever find what we’re looking for, or find what we’ve lost. We simultaneously want to be needed by others, but worry that we are burdening them. We wish to be understood and to be praised by others, but end up getting hurt and hurting others. In the end, we are all specks of dust in the face of the universe, getting by, until we can’t. But even if this is how it is, while I am alive, I might as well go out screaming. I’m rooting for ya!

A handful of hopeful songs:
   • Kodaki - A Rare Absolutely Happy Day  
   • Paniyolo - Character of the Family  
   • kineorama - aitsu no nogai  
   • Snail's House - 雪の降る街で、あなたを待っている。 (wa...  
   • Uso To Honto  
   • 01. Fruits Basket  ▸▸「Fruits Basket 」...  

And a playlist:
   • solace from an idle anxiety