How To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse | Paul Friedman

Learn how to stop fighting with your husband or wife. Fighting, bickering, and arguing can destroy your marriage if you let it. Paul teaches you some techniques to help you eliminate these problems with your spouse.

In this series, I'm going to address the little problems, the ones that you don't want to get away from you. Okay, so this is the first in the series and I'm going to deal with what turns out to be pretty much the most universal problem that people have in a marriage where they start wondering what the heck is going on, and that's the problem of arguing, bickering.

Eventually turns into fighting but it's arguing and bickering that really start leading the way. It's become so prevalent that most marriage counselors say, "Don't worry about it, everybody fights." No. The first thing I'm going to do is explain to you, why no? Because you didn't get married to fight that's why you got married to experience a very happy, very joyous marriage. And between the two of you, you have that capability but you mess it up.

Should it be joyous all the time? Why shouldn't it be?

There are only two people in charge of your marriage. So why can't one of you stop the fighting before it gets going?

The answer is you can and I'm going to tell you how. I'm going to even give you a couple of techniques. Now fighting always begins with a disagreement over what one of you wants to do compared to what the other one wants to do or a harsh word from one to the other. Now, remember, there's only two of you in the marriage. If you play ping pong by yourself Bam! And you hit the ping pong ball and there's no one there to get it, to hit it back. Pretty soon that ping pong ball falls to the floor and there's no problem.

Let's use the first attack is that ping pong ball and someone hits it. Well, the first thing to do
is if you're the one who's angry, upset, you have something you want to criticize over whatever it is, don't do it. Yeah, it's that simple. Don't tell me I can't help myself. If you can't help yourself you need more than my book. you need the course but you can help yourself. The trick is to stop. Stop, walk away, retreat, pull back.

If you're about to launch because you're being constantly attacked with little things. Here is a technique I'm going to give you right now. It's called the bowling ball feather technique. In
this technique, you have to make yourself into the feather and these words that are coming at you are the bowling ball.

What happens to a feather if a bowling ball is going at it? is it going to hit the feather?

No, it's impossible. The feather is blown away out of the way by the very wind generated by
the bowling ball so you need to put yourself in that position.

How does that translate?

Translates this way, when your true love is coming at you, stop right here. Seal off your mouth, commit to yourself "I'm not going to say anything, I'm not going to say anything, I'm not going to say anything." And instead, listen -- listen for what they have to say, set it aside on a little table for yourself, I'm going to think about this later and just listen. And you could nod, you could smile, you could say, "I hear you. I'm going to think about it." This is the think about a technique, "Honey, I'm hearing what you're saying. Give me time to digest I need to think about it."

You do not have to react typically even if you're the one who starts it. It's coming out as a
reaction maybe you had a thought, maybe you saw something that triggered you, and you need to think about it. But here's the trick, the trick is that you have to recognize that as soon as you get into a fight you have stepped off of a ledge and you don't know how far down that ledge is going to go. So, do not step off any ledges, do not engage in a fight.

Watch the video for more.

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