Forgiveness And Reconciliation In Marriage | Paul Friedman

Forgiveness and reconciliation in marriage.

Settle down, open your heart open your mind so we can talk about this. The first one is forgiveness. This is one of the most misunderstood things in the world. I can forgive. You can forgive but when we take that on with the meaning that is generally accepted it puts us in a place of superiority that we don't own. We don't really get to forgive only God can forgive. If someone errors, and this is very important for you to see it this way, when you air, when you make a mistake you pay for it. There's no way out. You walk into a store, you touch something
it falls to the ground and breaks. You own it that's sort of how karma is because that's what we're talking about here.

No matter what you do, there's cause and effect 100% of the time so when you make a mistake
you have to pay for. When you do something good you benefit from it so it's not just crime and punishment. It's a balance in the universe. It's how things work so let's pretend you are the wife. I know you might be a man watching this but let's pretend is a wife and as a wife, your husband
cheated on you and boy are you mad and there's a lot of reasons.

Why?

There's betrayal need I to go further and now you've reached a point where you go, "Well, I'm not going to give him up," for whatever reason. It might be because of the kids. It might be because you're very invested in the marriage a lot of years, maybe you still love him so much you can't stand it but he cheated on you. So you know you need to forgive him as a first step. Well, let me tell you something that you already know but I'm just going to bring it to the surface. He made a huge mistake. He hurt you but he hurt himself much more because it's treacherous. He has to pay for that and he may not even be thinking that. Most of us don't let's face it but there's no way he gets out of paying the price.

The thing to do and this is a workaround, we're going to get back to the forgiveness which is
what you really mean but the workaround is to infuse your mind with compassion for your husband knowing that somewhere down the road in his future he's going to pay. You want to pray for him that he becomes a better man -- that's selfish. That's not even close to forgiveness.
Pray for him that he learns so that he doesn't get burned again and again and again by making the same mistake -- that's cool. So you need to really see this from up here. You've got to take yourself out of the victim role in this scene and see him more objectively and understand that he stuck his hand in a beehive to get some honey. And he got a little honey but he's also
getting stung, and there's no avoiding it.

There's no getting around it for him. He will pay. Now some women go, "Good." That thought creates bad karma for that woman because worse especially if it's your husband, you promise to love him for the rest of your life to be of service to him, didn't you? And if you're that woman
who says good, he's going to pay for it -- not good. So the act of forgiveness which is what you're talking about is you're really saying, "How do I get past this? How do I take him off the hook in my mind?" Well, what we just talked about is one way that you understand what he did he didn't do to you. He did it to himself and so replacing this feeling of being victimized in the feeling of wanting revenge, in the feeling of wanting him maybe not revenge but you want him to come clean. No, don't want those things. So now the next question is, "Well, how do I not want those things? I'm only human."

It's a very interesting thing that we're moving into. We're going deeper and deeper in this subject and it's necessary. We are not taught ever in our lifetime until we seek it later in our lifetime maybe. We're not taught that the mind is a possession of ours. We are souls. We're not the mind. Some people who are atheists they go, "Well, I'm not a soul." Fine, you're consciousness.
The point is the mind is a possession how it thinks, how it perceives how it responds, reacts
all of that is up to you because you have free will. So the first step in the healing is for you to start gaining control over your reactions because even when you say, "I'm not reacting, he did this a year ago." You're reacting to the memory is the stimulant and the habit reaction is the problem. You have to gain control over that or there is no way to forgive him. You have to learn how to control your mind otherwise, you're just stuffing things which is not cool.

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