Unsure who you are, what you believe, and your unstable self-image

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: https://goo.gl/LQEgy1

Dr. Fox's latest (research based book): Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment: https://www.amazon.com/Antisocial-Nar...

Do you find you seek diagnosis to determine not only "what is wrong with me?" but to try and define a sense of self that tends to change based upon who you're with, what you're thinking or dealing with at that time, or where you are at the time. This is due to that unstable self-image most folks with BPD experience. It's the WHO AM I? question. Today we're going to explore it and help you find some answers.

Research shows that BPD patients tended to describe themselves predominantly as helpful and sensitive but also typically reported emotions are sadness, anger, and anxiety. Many of you watching this may be surprised by the descriptors helpful and sensitive. But I agree with these descriptors, individuals with BPD do want to help others and are sensitive. I think this desire to help others gets derailed by sadness, anger, anxiety and other emotions and BPD symptoms due to unstable self-image paired with sensitivity.

It's hard to maintain your role, especially when your core content gets activated. This can drive you inward to self-contempt or to cause you to isolate. BPD causes self-esteem and affect instability related to not knowing who you are because it always feels like it's changing.

Without insight into this, the Who am I issue impacts all the relationships in your life and causes others to misperceive you, and absolutely causes you to misperceive yourself. Well, let's get a handle on this. First and foremost, recognize that roles change in different situations. As roles change, they don't have to change your perception of who you are, your beliefs, and how you see yourself. This is where you have to do some self-work. You have to know your roles and those motivators that keep you in those roles. Then explore what are the obstacles that keep you in those roles. I explore this in my Narcissistic Personality workbook b/c this issue is common in both NPD and BPD.

First, think about how you define your role with the following people and situations: Family, S.O., friends, coworkers, strangers at home, work, online, etc. Are you a daughter, son, mother, hero, scapegoat, etc.

Next, define who you think you are using descriptors. Are you kind, patient, fearful, etc. Be careful about using too many negative as we want a balance between both because we all have good and bad things about ourselves.

Now, what can you do to enhance your positives and decrease your negatives? First off, I want to encourage you to look at yourself while you're brushing your teeth and say a positive descriptor to yourself every day. Sounds odd, but it works. You've conditioned the negatives for so long, now let's do the positives.

Next, what behaviors help define your descriptors? Engage in those behaviors you want to enhance and think of replacement and adaptive ones for those you want to decrease. Do this on a regular basis across situations. This is laying the groundwork for a stable self-image. Situations and people don't change who you are. You are you, so go do you.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: https://www.drdfox.com/books

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: https://goo.gl/LQEgy1

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): https://goo.gl/BLRkFy

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: https://goo.gl/sZYhym

The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: https://goo.gl/ZAVe9v