Understanding Attachment Theory: Practical Applications for Relationships

Join Deirdre Fay, LICSW, as she delves into the fascinating world of attachment theory in this insightful session. Discover how understanding attachment styles can transform your relationships—both with others and yourself. Join here as part of your Trauma Wisdom Circle monthly membership: https://therapywisdom.com/the-trauma-...

In this video, Deirdre explains the core concepts of attachment theory, exploring the dynamics of connection and disconnection. Learn about the common patterns of anxiety and distancing in relationships and how these can be addressed over time.

Deirdre shares pivotal insights from early research by James Robertson, highlighting the stages of separation distress in children and how these experiences shape our attachment behaviors. You'll gain a deeper understanding of protest, despair, and detachment, equipping you with practical strategies to foster healthier connections.
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Transcript-
Deirdre Fay, LICSW (00:00)
So What I want to do in these two sessions that we have is to really look at the theory, this incredible attachment theory that we have and find simple practical ways for you to apply them in your work with people you work with and also with yourself. And what tends to happen then is people begin to slowly, it's not a quick fix, but slowly change these attachment patterns, the attachment style that they have.

so they can have the relationships that they want. And that is probably what attachment theory is all about. Attachment theory talks about how we either distance ourselves, disconnect from people, or how we're anxiously trying to be involved out there in the world and get the love we want. We never really talk about it in that way in the theory, but that's what it's really about. Will you love me? Am I lovable?

And how do I manage all that in between?

So we're gonna look at how our upsets or the reasons, the ruptures in our life and why they're linked to the theory and how they can be linked and shifted. And what's essential is, I think is to begin looking at what protest is. And the reason I speak about that is that

James Robertson, who was a social worker and he was working in John Bowlby's clinic way back in the day. And he was, he took a little old video camera and went into hospitals and started videoing these kids. And he was like, what is going on here? He's trying to figure out, these kids were, had a whole range of experiences and he was trying to see what possibly this is.

And what we found is so interesting that he actually joined Robertson and started, they started writing a bunch of papers and it became what we now know as separation distress. But if we look at it, what they found is that when kids are first separated from their kids and from their parents and put it in a hospital, they actively protest. And by that we mean they are running around looking

for the attachment figure, they're vocal, they're loud, they're screaming, they're stamping their feet, they're doing all kinds of things actively trying to find this person and bring them back. They're protesting about the separation that it's gone...