We Are Number One but it's a formal / archaic / verbose version

Lyrics:

We are so successful one could say that we rank first
We are so successful one could say that we rank first

Now pay attention to what I have to say
I will teach you about deceiving your fellow men
This occasion will be remembered for years to come
If you have a desire to be the most wanted enemy of the state
You may want to apprehend a man with supernatural abilities

Now reproduce my manoeuvres and move stealthily
Be cautious and do not emit any audible air vibrations
Please be quiet
I advise you not to make contact with that object

We are so successful one could say that we rank first
We are so successful one could say that we rank first
We rank first

I find this funny and am therefore laughing
Now observe this woven fishing device that I just looted
When I instruct you to proceed, be sure to send it flying
Proceed!
Please direct it at the intended target and not at myself
We must seek out a new procedure

Now observe and take note, I will inform you of what's going to happen
He will lose his footing by means of the outer covering of this exotic fruit
I find myself laughing again
Could you please explain the actions you are currently taking?

I am now singing non-lexical vocables along the melody of the song
We are so successful one could say that we rank first
I am going na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
We are so successful one could say that we rank first

I am now singing non-lexical vocables along the melody of the song
We are so successful one could say that we rank first
I am going na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
We rank first
We rank first
We rank first
Good day

I used this instrumental version by The Unhappy Orchestra:    • We Are Number One but it's an instrum...  
I used this text-to-speech website: https://text-to-speech-demo.mybluemix...

Memes aside, the real life Robbie Rotten has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer :( Please consider donating to his gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/2tm9tqk

Support my meme-ery:   / grandayy