What to Do If Your Partner Is Frequently Triggered

On a recent group coaching call, someone had questions about how to be with partner who gets more frequently triggered. Here's my response, offering some general ideas around navigating empathy needs in relationships and what to do when things feel out of balance.

Definition of violence in this context: When I am talking with this person about "violence" we're referring primarily to psychological violence and verbal violence, such as yelling, shouting, intensity, guilting. Psychological violence occurs any time we try to get someone to do something based on promise of reward or threat of punishment. Violence, defined in this way, is using judgment, shame, blame, guilt etc. to try to coerce someone into doing what we want, without regard for their well-being.

Outline of points: 

0:14: Choosing a partner where there is enough balance in the big picture
4:00: What is the job/responsibility role of "partner" vs "therapist" in the relationship
6:00: Bringing your most resourced self to charged moments
8:00: What you could do when your partner is hijacked by their pain
9:30: Gifts that we can give our partner vs. expectations of each other
11:15: Enabling violence vs. responding to violence skillfully
12:00: Why do people become violent and how it's self-sabotaging
14:50: How to stay in choicefulness in triggered moments
17:30: Balancing empathy for others with care for ourselves
18:20: How to disengage lovingly

This is an excerpt from my weekly Q&A coaching call, Conversations from the Heart, and you're welcome to join us! We meet on Wednesdays at 10am CT via Zoom. REGISTER HERE: https://programs.yvetteerasmus.com/co...

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Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a psychologist, teacher, and consultant who specializes in transformative education for human healing and growth, helping people embrace differences while staying grounded in their fundamental unity. A sought-after relational-intelligence expert, Dr. Erasmus offers various programs for community learning as well as one-on-one consulting. Her approach synthesizes mind-body medicine, somatic experiencing, diversity and inclusiveness, nonviolent communication, and integral-relational-cultural psychology, bringing what has been divided and fragmented into wholeness and harmony. To learn more, visit http://yvetteerasmus.com.