TW ED // bread vlog 2.0 // incredibly painful and messy binge

PSA: I'M NOT GLORIFYING ANYTHING!!!
let me introduce you to (my) eddie! everyone's eddie is different, i decided on this name because it sounded cute (ㆆᴗㆆ)

this is what a typical binge looks like nowadays, except i challenged myself to only binge on breads in a feeble and pretty pathetic attempt to busy my stress and negativities in added sugar and trans fats and chemicals that taste scrumptious;;

(also i made this in 4K for you guys, it took frickin 3GB of my storage =__= i spent so much time editing this video, almost to the level of scrutiny lol;; )

this was definitely one of my proudest achievements - this is just who i am as an editor, by no means am i claiming that the binge was an achievement (involuntary flinch as i think of the mango roll cake)

please know, as always, that you are worthy no matter how you appear on the outside - okay? okay.

——
♢♢♢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʙɪɴɢɪɴɢ ♢♢♢

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕣: I am NOT PROMOTING my ED, we are all messed up in our heads so why would you copy my disordered behaviors?!

𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕩𝕥:
I have always had a large appetite, but was able to maintain a lean(ish) physique due to our eating habits at home. haven't been formally diagnosed but struggles with disordered eating + body dysmorphia on a daily if not hourly basis.
the freedom after university gave me both more access to food and also an option to binge my feelings away. at my worst I struggled with non-purging bulimia (I can't physically vomit), and worsening body image...

started documenting to literally help me remember what my binges were (if you are like me, you know that those binges feel like a dream and you remember nothing), but now I make these videos whenever I binge hoping they can be of some help to you;; \(◡̈ )/♥︎


I've tried to:
watch linda sun (I LOVE her and i watched every video but it doesn’t prevent me from binging)
watch abbey sharp (I’m really sorry I can’t, I don’t like her?)
drink +2L water (but it seemed to have expanded my stomach and worn out my kidneys)
binge on low calorie foods (it just worsens my cravings)
reach out to frens (half stopped talking to me and half doesn’t understand)
exercise for endorphins (it gave me a false excuse to binge whilst it burns few calories irl)

𝕘𝕠𝕒𝕝𝕤:
- healing relationship w/ exercise + food (this means that I am not going to exercise everyday because it gives me a false sense of security and might lead into a a binge)
- not eating to like, 120% full at every single meal
- mindful eating
- less body checking
- reducing sugar (for my poor skin lol)