[TW ed] giving in to my cravings // mammoth bread // negativities are drowning me alive

guys, i-i don't even have any excuses sometimes life just be like this ﾍ(;´Д｀ﾍ)
please don't take my negative vents seriously, sometimes you just have to spew out those words in order to feel better, i know objectively i am not a failure and you're not a failure either!!! but i'm struggling right now, there are days when i treat myself and tell my body encouragements and also days where i just cave. pl-please, the struggle is getting very real and i'm not doing well;; life is getting busy out here, hopefully ze new school year is not gonna be too stressful?? adlfakdsjfak

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♢♢♢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʙɪɴɢɪɴɢ ♢♢♢

𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕩𝕥:
I’ve always had a large appetite, but I was able to have a healthy relationship with food before university. Living alone and dealing with stress and the abundance of freedom (oh, the plethora of food choices) overwhelmed me into disordered eating. Though i haven’t been formally diagnosed, eddie (ED) has definitely been haunting me for 2~3 years now.
I DO NOT PURGE because I have
a) no gag reflex
b) emetophobia (the phobia of throwing up)

I like editing videos because it’s my passion. Recording my binges provides me an opportunity to both comfort myself and others. Documenting everything I ate/binged helps me keep track as well (trust me, I literally can’t remember what I binged on bc I have the memory of a goldfish). I know I am not pro-recovery but I put TWs in front of all my videos so that you know I am in no way promoting eddie. ever.

I am currently seeking professional help too! Even when I binge because I lost control, I actively reflect upon what triggered me and what I should change to avoid making myself feel so physically and mentally sad :3