Marriage Issues After 5, 10, 20, 30 Years | Paul Friedman

Marriage issues can crop up no matter how many years you've been married. Fortunately, the causes and solutions are essentially the same. In this video, Paul explains how to think about and what to do about marital problems.

I'm going to talk to you about marriage issues that come after 5, 10, 20, 30 years and I don't know about you, but when I got married when I was in my early 20's I was under the impression that the longer people were married they would figure out better how to be married and their marriage would improve and these golden and silver marriages I thought were just amazing. It wasn't until I became a divorce mediator that I realized and I probably shouldn't use this adage but I'm going to anyway.

A young fool who gets older becomes an old fool, and a young marriage that lives on unhappily becomes less happy. The best people who stay married for a long time learn to adapt, a lot of the people who are in these longer marriages where they're still together are ready to call it quits because the children are getting older, they're not dependent as much on the parents anymore. And so, the couple whether it's the wife or the husband or both are thinking, what the heck am I doing in this marriage?

I like to point out that and I alluded to this right from the start. When you got married if you didn't know what you were doing, you are basically getting on a sailboat and the weather was calm. You didn't capsize but unless you knew what you were doing you were going to get into trouble as soon as you hit some heavy seas. The reality is that marriage is complicated. It's simple at a very high level; it's all about learning to love unconditionally but no one even ever taught you that.

Whoever said to you?

When did Uncle Joe come up to you at your wedding and say, "Son or honey, I'm going to share with you a bit of wisdom." Marriage is all about learning how to love unconditionally and no one ever says that and yet that is the key, that's the whole purpose of marriage. Here's the good news. The good news is that you're not divorced yet because it's good because the amount of energy of effort that you have put into your marriage so far and let's not just look at the marriage goes all the way back to when you are looking for a suitable soulmate, and you are interviewing basically different people.

You're screening them, it took a lot of effort, a lot of energy and you finally found the one and you were right. They were the ones but again, it's sort of like getting on the perfect sailboat. The perfect soul mate, I should be fine but you're not the perfect soul mate; they're not the perfect soul mate in terms of education. So, you're fully invested in this marriage. You can't get more invested.


Watch the video for more.


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