Tips For Improving Intimacy In Marriage | Paul Friedman

Watch Paul give you some tips for improving intimacy in marriage.

My approach is going to be very different than what you find in other places. I'm not going to talk to you about wearing slinky dresses if you're a woman. I'm not going to talk to you about marital aid if you're a man. I'm going to talk to you about real intimacy and we're going to talk about sex a little bit because even though you're thinking probably, you're thinking, "We're
not having enough sex." There's a huge myth around sex. It is so widespread that if you were to go to marriage counseling which I strongly advise against unless they're one of ours of course and then it's not marriage counseling.

If you were to go to marriage counseling, one of the first questions they would ask you is about your sex life. They use that as a barometer to determine how well your marriage is doing but I know people literally who have no sex or maybe sex once a year or twice a year and their
marriages are phenomenal. They hold hands, they look at each other as if they're looking at their best friend and confidant. They have what is called true intimacy even without sex. In other words, sex is not what intimacy is. Is sex bad? No, of course not.

Is sex good? It could be -- just joking. So the thing of it is, let me use an analogy. Verbal
communication is a way of expressing intimacy. A smile is a way of expressing intimacy. Intimacy -- it means a closeness that is not usual that is not normal. When you know someone
intimately as you do your spouse that's intimacy. Now, unfortunately, most people totally
have no idea and/or they're abusing all of the channels of intimacy that would create the happiness that you want.

Let's be honest, you're not looking for intimacy for the sake of intimacy, of course not. You're not looking for sex for the sake of sex -- that's what dogs do and after a dog has sex it goes on with its day like nothing has happened because it's a biological drive to have sex. A human being is so amazing. We're able to take a biological drive like sex and turn it into something amazing.

Why? Why can we do that?

You really need to understand these things about yourself so you understand these things about marriage so that you can benefit as you want it when you first got married. You first wanted to
get married so that you would be happier and not just happier on your wedding day but you wanted to be happier every single day of your life and you knew through love you could have that. You loved your husband or your wife-to-be but you missed the point because the world is so weird about love. I've trained many psychologists and I've refused to train many many more.

When you talk about things like a soul with a traditional marriage therapist, they will tell you maybe and you ask about God. They will tell you, "Well, that's an abstract thought." I recognize and probably you do too that you are a soul and this is different than, "I have a soul." You are a soul. You are a soul. You have a mind, you have a body so your mind and your body are
nature. They're material aspects of yourself but the big part of you, the essential part of you is a soul.

What is a soul?

Soul is love 100% not 99%, 100% love because within love is ultimate wisdom and you could say a soul is wisdom, part of love. Increasing the intimacy, tips for increasing the intimacy -- it means getting you to recognize that the intimate connection that you want is not about knowing each other secrets. It's about feeling each other's soul. Well, that's deep, isn't it? But think about it now, when have you felt happiness?

You have felt the happiness for sure when you have felt love. Think about the day you got married. You stood at the altar, you stood before the minister and there was a moment and it's different for every marriage but there was a moment when all of a sudden you just felt overwhelming love and then it slowly dissipates because we're not used to it. We don't know how to hold on to it and so that love, and you feel that at other people's weddings too, don't you?
There's that moment when that love just is so powerful. Well, that's not an abstract thought -- that's real, that's tangible. That love is what it's all about and intimacy is about connecting your
love with your spouse's love -- That's intimacy.

The trick, the tips are simple. What you do is you utilize your mind and the actions that you are capable of doing whenever you want because you have freewill to invoke the presence of that love into your marriage. That will create the dynamics that actually allows for a lot more sex. So,
what do you do?

Watch the video for more.

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