Why Does My Ex Hate Me? (And What to Do About It) - Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews (from http://relationshipinnergame.com)j answers the question, “Why does my ex hate me?” And he shares what you can do if your ex hates you.

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Learn more of the signs to watch for from your ex in our thorough and extensive playlist over here:    • 5 Signs that Your Ex Doesn't Want You...  

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The important thing to realize if your ex hates you more than you deserve is that your ex doesn’t really hate the “you” that you think that they do.

You see, in order to justify breaking up with you, your ex had to hold an image of you in their mind that was worth breaking up with. Sure, maybe you did a few things that gave them a good reason to break up with you. But if your ex is hating more than you really deserve, then it’s probably because they had to create an image of you in their mind that exaggerated the negative qualities you have to an extreme in order to actually break up with you.

So if you lied to them ONCE, they may say that you ALWAYS lie.

Or if you had to work late ONCE, they may accuse you of NEVER having time for them.

You understand how this is all working out here?

And when your ex is interacting with you, they aren’t really interacting with “you.” They are interacting with the image of you in their mind that they have exaggerated to the point of complete hatred.

Okay, so that’s all nice (not really…), but what are you supposed to do about it?

Well, the first thing to do is to understand that when you’re interacting with your ex, you have a golden opportunity to prove them wrong in their understanding of you.

That is to say that you have an opportunity to show them that the image of you in their mind that they believe they broke up with is not accurate.

If they think that you’re a callous jerk, then show up as someone caring and considerate.

This is going to call into question their assessment of you.

And during this point in time, your ex will probably do what is called a Positive Pullback. Essentially your ex is trying to figure out which version of you they should put their trust in. Should they put their trust in the version of you that they thought they broke up with? Or should they put their trust in the version of you that they saw for themselves with their own eyes when you were together or talking on the phone or texting?

And it’s from this point of confusion that your ex will often go silent.

Now, this is the point in time when a lot of people will think that they need to use No Contact.

Wrong.

No Contact is not going to help you because it’s going to give your ex more time for the exaggerated version they hold of you in their mind to gain strength and for your ex to hate you again.

Instead, what you want to do is continue to show up and build a positive connection with them. This will give more strength to the version of you that they actually enjoy interacting with.

This is what you should do if your ex hates you.