Скачать или смотреть How to move on. Letting go of someone you love.

How to move on? A lot of people have been asking me this:

How do I let go of someone I love?

There are times when you have no choice other than to let go of someone you love.

Letting go of someone you love can be very painful.

I know that pain so well.

I fled a violent man with a little toddler of about 1-year-old.

I knew I had to leave this relationship if I was going to start a new life and create the best life for my child.

This didn't stop it hurting.

I remember sobbing.

I was thinking.

Why is this so painful?

Why do I still love him so much?

A man who abused me, hurt me.

I still loved him and wanted him so desperately.

I wanted to be a family and for my son to have his father.

It really hurt to the depth of my soul.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.

So, I know what it's like to let go of somebody you love.

Even if you know in your head that that person isn't right for you.

I'll tell you how to let go of someone you love.

I had to cut contact.

It was the only way for me because for me that love was a drug.

I was in a relationship that was codependent.

I was addicted to that love.

I wanted that first high again - from the person I first saw, who was the most wonderful charming, love-bombing person at the beginning of our relationship.

I wanted him back so badly because in the end my self-worth was so tied up in that relationship and that person, which it shouldn't be, as that's not healthy.

My sense of self-worth and self-esteem was so dependent on this relationship that I needed him to get that self-worth back again.

I had to cut contact, as a drug addict might, from the drug that was harmful to me.

The next step was unbelievably hard.

How to move forward:

I had to be still with that pain and those painful feelings.

The most dangerous thing you can do when you are trying to leave someone you love - and it hurts - is to run back to that drug so you'll feel good about yourself again.

If your self-worth is dependent on that relationship and you go back, to avoid the pain.

Or if you use other avoidance techniques such as overeating, drugs, alcohol, or another rebound relationship.

This numbs the pain immediately.

But chances are you'll go into a relationship with somebody else equally toxic because if your self-worth depends on others, you're going to choose the wrong type of person.

One who is going to treat you as unworthy and unlovable because you don't think you're worthy or lovable yourself.

Be still.

Feel those painful feelings.

Think of it in a way as grieving.

You go through stages.

When you're grieving the loss of somebody who has died, for example, you have no choice but to experience these.

Unless you avoid them by numbing yourself with alcohol or whatever, it feels like you're in the darkest tunnel.

But I promise you this:

If you have the courage to let those feelings wash over you, one day at a time, one hour, or one minute if that's all you can cope with, then you will start walking towards the light.

If you let these painful feelings fester within and suppress them internally, they'll come out in other ways at some point later.

It's going to eat away at you inside.

Understand it's like grieving, it will hurt and it takes time.

But time is your best friend and healer.

Write a list if you need to of the reasons you left that relationship.

Those reasons still stand.

Stay resilient and strong because the pain will lessen if you have the courage to face it.

Try to practice forgiveness, if you can.

If you've been through extreme situations, it may be difficult to forgive and that's okay.

At least understand that their behavior, the way they treated you, the way they are is their problem.

That's their issue. It is not a reflection on you.

You are not to blame.

So, if you can't forgive them by accepting they are damaged and that is their journey, their issue, at least try to separate yourself from this.

Let them go.

Focus on You.

Ask yourself:

Who am I?

Who do I need to become to get through this?

What do I want in my life?

Who around me will enhance and support me?

Who is toxic and I need to let go of?

Try to find an intrinsic sense of value and self-worth.

Instead of wallowing in a victim mentality in which you are obsessing over them and the what-ifs, wasting all your energy - go out and live.

Do something that makes you feel great.

You can choose to walk away, have the courage and find that strength you never even knew was there.

You were brave to make that decision to leave.

Now find the courage to stick with it and keep going one step towards the life that's waiting for you.

The life that's full of love, happiness, and joy.

Head towards that joy because it's what's you deserve.