When My Husband Blames Me For Everything | Paul Friedman

"When my husband blames me for everything, what should I do?"

I'm going to try to give you some perspective and please never feel like I'm speaking down to you at all or that I question your ability to reason things out. But remember, I have a lot more experience than you do, and sometimes what is obvious to me may not be obvious to you, or maybe it is obvious to you but you didn't really want to address it because you didn't think that part was important. I'm going to try and give you perspective and context. More importantly, I'm going to try to give you a pathway out of your problem which is your husband's blaming you for everything.

So, what does that really mean to me?

It means that your husband is angry with you. We don't blame somebody for everything when we are feeling love towards them. It's sort of a contrary feeling rather than him feeling love towards you. He's angry with you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore but he's angry and you're not in control over his anger. Everyone has individual free will but you're definitely you know the old saying "don't don't kick the dog when it's asleep because it'll bite you when it wakes up," and a lot of times what happens and I'm sure this is happening now in your marriage is that we become over-familiar with each other over time. And being familiar with each other is a real benefit when you use that familiarity in a positive way but it's not human nature to do so. So you've become over-familiar with your Husband as he has with you. And so you think it's okay to be critical of him. You think it's okay to raise your voice towards him. You think it's okay to be argumentative to argue with him and to point out his mistakes in thinking and you may be saying, "Well sure, why not?"

I'm going to tell you why not before we get into the what you can do about him blaming you for everything. You see you didn't get married in order to have a partner to wrestle with for the rest of your life. You didn't. You got married in order to be happier than you were. You got married so that you would feel unconditional love. Remember those two things happiness, unconditional love. Remember how you were floating a little bit while you were dating and really enjoying the attention and really enjoying lavishing attention on your newfound soul mate. Everyone thinks in our world that that's only normal for people who just meet and then things are supposed to tone down but that is not true -- that's incorrect. The reason people think that way is Because there is this non-receptive to spiritual things.

Nobody wants to admit that they're spiritual in general so what they do is they put a material context around everything and in the material context happiness is a waning commodity. It seems to dissipate. It's like you get a new car, you get a new apartment, a new home and slowly you become less happy but that's incorrect. We're souls. We have a body, we have a Mind those are material but we didn't get married for those. We got married for love. We got married to be happier. And so when you infuse these negative reactions towards each other that love we can't see it anymore. It's always there. Love never goes away. It's the constant but we lose sight of it and then we start thinking, "Well, this is what's wrong, that's what's wrong."

In your case, what's wrong is your husband is blaming you for everything but that's just on the surface. What's really wrong is your husband isn't feeling the love. You're not feeling the love and the love is the very foundation of your marriage and you get used to it, and you start losing the ability to even imagine what it's like to have a real marriage where you're feeling the love. My whole thing is to bring people back to that place, what I consider to be the real place that marriage has in your lives to make it the happiest place in your life.

Watch the video for more.


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