How To Make My Husband Feel Loved And Appreciated | Paul Friedman

How to make my husband feel loved and appreciated? This is a great question because it's you're already starting from the right place. You want your husband for whatever reason to understand that you love him and appreciate him. It's a great attitude and I compliment you on that. It will do so much to enhance your marriage so much.

Let's go back to why you got married in the first place. Many people forget that you get married in order to be happy and happier every single day of your lives. You also recognize and you got married out of love. Now, I don't know about the psychologists these days who talk about love as an abstract thought who talk about spirituality as abstract because it isn't abstract, it's very
tangible just because you can't recognize it with your senses. Your five senses don't mean it's not real.

Who hasn't felt love?
Who the marries without love?

That would be crazy but what happens is over time people begin to question whether they are loved which is kind of interesting because it should never get to that place because both of
you should be continually striving to express love. Think of your marriage as a closed space. There's only two of you in this space I called the sacred space of marriage, just two of you. You don't let anyone else's opinions in. You don't let any negativity from the outside world in it's a perfect place to build happiness and love.

How do you do that?

By expressing it of course. One of the biggest problems that come up and we all fall into this is we bring things into our marriage that we don't think that we shouldn't. A good example is constructive criticism. Some brainiac decided that there is constructive criticism. Well, that's like saying falling down falling up. It can't be criticism and constructive at the same time. There could be constructive education but not criticism.

Criticism is when you tell somebody that they made a mistake, that they did something wrong and the whole idea of marriage is that that is not your job -- it's the opposite. Your job is to completely support and love, to express love in every manner there is but in the world we think that there's a right way to argue, a right way to fight in a marriage that there's a fairness clause in marriage and so what we do is we bring these ideas of the outer world into our inner sacred space of marriage and we blow it apart and people become insecure, they don't feel comfortable anymore. They don't feel that love that they should anymore.

The first step is to end all of the negative behaviors: criticism, complaining, condemnation,
expectations, a desire for fairness -- those communications have to end and the way you do that is by reminding yourself that a little flaw is okay -- doesn't matter. Don't mention it, there's no need. The thing about flaws, everyone can see everyone else's flaws really well it's so easy. You only have to be with someone for half an hour and you could give them a list imagine what it's like when you're married to someone. You could give them five pages of things that they can improve upon.

Why would you do that?
Why wouldn't you use your love to accept their flaws without any judgment whatsoever?

Recognizing that even if you tell them what their flaws are even if you paint a picture that is
like dead-on and perfect and totally understandable they're probably not ready to hear it or that flaw wouldn't be there anymore. They would have gotten rid of it. Nobody wants to be flawed. We all go, "Yeah, I'm not perfect," but we don't want to hear what our flaws are. We come across our own flaws at our own pace in our own time when we're ready and based upon personal things.

The first thing you need to do is you need to stop all criticism, all complaining, anything that
is negative. Let me give you another reason. He married you because you were the light of his life. He fell in love with you. He saw the real you which is your heart that's the real you and you're expressing your heart to him -- you chose him. Beautiful, isn't it? Then you got to know each other and you started letting things come out that you shouldn't have. But going back to this light example, the Sun we can't think of a bigger light in our lives.

Sure, there are bigger stars but we're not near them. Our Sun is massive, massive but if it's blinding us, we put up one hand and we can't see the Sun anymore. We're able to block out that entire Sun with one tiny little hand. This is what it's like when you bring in the shadows of criticism: complaining, condemnation, expectations -- it has the same effect. So now, where you were the light in his life you're standing behind the obstacles that block it so that's the first step is to end all negative behaviors, all your negative actions have to go. That includes your thoughts.

Watch the video for more.

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