INFJs and Feeling Selfish

INFJ personality types struggle with feeling selfish all the time. It is most often triggered when the INFJ thinks about expressing a preference or getting help with meeting an important need. The INFJ will realize they have the preference or need, and then immediately have the thought right after that they are somehow being selfish. The thought that they are selfish then triggers guilt and shame and the INFJ goes into avoidance about dealing with that preference or need.

Expressing preferences and meeting needs is so hard for INFJ personality types because we usually were not taught how to do this in childhood, and no one modeled this healthy behavior to us, either. Many INFJ personality types have a past history of abuse, or have grown up in a home with a narcissist, or narcissistic family dynamics. Narcissistic abuse is a very common type of abuse reported by INFJs as having happened to them in their formative years.

Many INFJ personality types (and INFP personality types) might also have grown up in a home with strong codependent energy, or where they were enmeshed with one parent. Codependence and enmeshment are two different family dynamics that also cause resistance to expressing and meeting one’s own preferences and needs. This happens because when the INFJ or INFP was a child and expressed a preference or need, or tried to assert a boundary, much of the time they were shamed for that and told that they were selfish for having needs, expressing a preference that was different from the parent’s preference, or trying to assert a boundary.

This all plays out in adulthood for INFJs and INFPs in the constant worry about being selfish. Tune into the video to find out more.

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