A Diagnosis - feat. Rachel Bloom - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

GET THE SONG: https://lnk.to/cxg3

A Diagnosis
Starring Rachel Bloom
Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

REBECCA:
FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS
I’VE KNOWN SOMETHING WAS WRONG.
BUT MOM SAID WEAKNESS CAUSES BLOATING
SO I TRIED TO BE STRONG.
FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
THAT’S HOW I GOT BY.

AND WHEN I TRIED TO FIND THE REASON
FOR MY SADNESS AND TERROR
ALL THE SOLUTIONS WERE TRIAL AND ERROR.
TAKE THIS PILL, SAY THIS CHANT, MOVE HERE FOR THIS GUY...

BUT NOW THERE’S NO NEED FOR REGRET
‘CAUSE I’M ABOUT TO GET

A DIAGNOOOOOOOOSIS.
A DIAGNOOOOOOOOSIS.
DON’T TELL ME NOOOOOOO
SISTER, YOU DON’T FIT IN.

DOC, PRESCRIBE ME MY TRIBE
GIVE ME MY THRONG
TELL ME THAT THIS WHOLE TIME I’VE BELONGED
WITH THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHO SHARE
MY DIAGNOSIS.

WHAT COULD IT BE?
WHAT COULD BE RIGHT?
SCHIZOPHRENIC OR BI-POLAR LITE?
I’VE NEVER HEARD VOICES BUT MAYBE IT’S TIME TO START.

VOICES (V.O.):
You’re super cool, Rebecca

REBECCA:
Thanks!

OBSESSIVES WITH NUMBERS, HOARDERS WITH CATS
I COULD REALLY ROCK A TIN FOIL HAT
PERFECT THEY’RE NOT BUT AT LEAST THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE.
NO MORE BAD PILLS, FADS OR TRICKS.
WHO SAYS THERE ISN’T AN EASY FIX...

WITH A DIAGNOOOOOSIS
I’M READY TO BLOOOOOOOOW THIS…
JOINT AND BY JOINT I MEAN MY INNER SENSE OF CONFUSION.

VOICES (V.O.):
YOU SAID THAT CONFUSINGLY.

REBECCA:
Shh

I’M AWARE MENTAL ILLNESS IS STIGMATIZED
BUT THE STIGMA IS WORTH IT IF I’VE REALIZED
WHO I’M MEANT TO BE
ARMED WITH MY DIAGNOSIS.

OH, THE DOCTORS THAT I’VE MET WHO DIDN’T GET ME.
THIS ONE NATUROPATH
USED FEATHERS TO PET ME.

THEY SAID ANXIETY INSOMNIA WERE MY AFFLICTION
THE NATUROPATH SAID IT WAS SEX ADDICTION
BUT ALL THOSE THINGS I KNEW I WASN’T
YES I LIKE PENISES
BUT WHO DOESN’T…

SO PUT ME IN A BOTTLE
SLAP A LABEL ON.

LIST OUT THE SIDE EFFECTS
THEN WORRIES BE GONE.
‘CAUSE FINALLY I’LL KNOW THIS...

MY DIAGNOOOOSIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!