John Gottman's Horsemen CONTEMPT (Relationship Advice)

The famous relationship researcher John Gottman describes contempt as sulphuric acid for love as its so destructive to your relationship. In this video I will discuss John Gottman's Horsemen, contempt, and share scientifically researched ways to put an end to it.

🔵 CHAPTERS

0:00 Exploration of contempt with examples
2:27 Antidote to contempt

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🔵 What differentiates contempt from criticism is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. You call them names, throw insults and use body language such as eye-rolling and sneering. You will also hear phrases such as 'You're stupid', 'you're disgusting' and 'you're an idiot'. You might also hear hostile humour, mockery and ridicule as you throw insults into the heart of your partners sense of self. Basically it you show contempt you are saying 'I'm better than you and you are less than me'.

Research has shown that if you are in a contemptuous relationship you are more likely to suffer physical from infections such as a cold or flu. It also effects your mental health and as you're more likely to be depressed or anxious. Contempt not only destroys your relationship it destroys your psychological and physical health too.

Dr John Gottman who is an American psychological researcher and therapist is known for his extensive research on relationship analysis. He can actually predict the end of a relationship with over 90% accuracy. According to Gottman, contempt is the single greatest predictor of a relationship breakdown.Gottman's research states that negative communication patterns fall under four key categories: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. He calls these negative communication patterns the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

The good news is that John Gottman provided proven antidotes for each of the four horsemen. As we are focussing on the second horsemen in this video, the antidote for contempt is to build a culture of appreciation and respect. First you want to stop seeing arguments as a way to retaliate or gain the upper ground. Next express appreciation, affection and respect for your partner. Gottman discovered the magic ratio of 5:1, if you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction you are making regular deposits into your relationship bank.

🔵 JOHN GOTTMAN'S FOUR HORSEMEN VIDEOS

If you are interested in finding out about the other horsemen please click the links below:

☐ John Gottman's Four Horsemen And Antidotes:    • John Gottman's Four Horsemen and Anti...  
☐ Criticism:    • John Gottman's Horsemen CRITICISM (Re...  
☐ Contempt:    • John Gottman's Horsemen CONTEMPT (Rel...  
☐ Defensiveness:    • John Gottman's Horsemen: DEFENSIVENES...  
☐ Stonewalling:    • John Gottman's Horsemen STONEWALLING ...  

🔵 ABOUT TERESA LEWIS

Teresa Lewis is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology and a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is a qualified EMDR Practitioner having completed training accredited with EMDR Europe. Teresa is also a qualified adult educator and an accredited Mindfulness teacher As a recognised expert in her field Teresa is frequently asked to conduct editorial reviews and endorse counselling and psychotherapy books for international publishing houses.

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