DATING ON THE TRAUMA RECOVERY PATH

I share my overall perceptions of dating while healing and while medically transitioning. I also share what I'm realizing and learning about people / why it's so hard to find someone who I like and want to do the work with. This is based on my personal experiences. Everyone who shares my identities may not share these experiences.

0:00 - Introduction: My dating experiences are now shaped by who is attracted to me and the power dynamics involved
2:40 - My dating history as a black "woman-loving woman" & How My gender dysphoria impacted my bisexuality/pansexuality
4:00 - Intimacy with Black Cis Men when I thought I was just a queer girl
4:56 - How My Femininity Affects How I Perceive Dating
5:43 - The More Male I present, the Femme I feel / My Healing Experiences with Masculinity
6:27 - Violence I Experience From Power Dynamics with Other Black Afab Ppl & Trans Femmes
7:17 - My Dating Methods
8:31 - Dating Experience #1
12:12 - Being the Femme In My Relationships & Internalized (Cis)sexism amongst Afab Ppl
13:43 - No longer Dating Cis Women Who Only Date Men
14:10 - Not Understanding Centering Men in Healing Past Romantic Relationship Trauma / My World Being Shaped through My Relationships with Black Women, Girls, & Afab People
16:10 - Shedding Ego While Dating & Practicing Conflict Resolution
17:37 - How Working With Kids Has Helped Me Set Better Boundaries With Codependent Adults & With Myself
18:35 - How I Perceive People Who Don't Do the Work & How My Journey Shaped My Expectations of Others
19:55 - Being A Catalyst for Change
20:57 - Seeing Fights & Power Dynamics In A Much Larger Structural Context & Needing Someone Who Is Vision, Goal, & Team Oriented
22:33 - Therapy is Not Enough. We Gotta Read the Books, Y'all!
24:09 - A Lack of Confidence & People Be Playing Games
25:35 - Navigating Class & People's Expectations of My Masculinity
26:54 - Competitiveness from People
28:09 - People Trying to Impress Me & Dating Experience #2
29:05 - Internalized Shame & Example of Me Choosing to Communicate Over Listening to My Inner Critic & Shame
30:32 - Navigating Other People's Egos & Example of Me Killing My Ego To Say Sorry to One of My Students
36:47 - Accountability & Being Open About Triggers While Setting Boundaries During Conflict
37:52 - Navigating People Who Think Sexual Harassment & Abuse Is Asking Me Out or Showing Interest
40:09 - Dealing w/ Ambiphobia & the Projection / Conflation of Cis Binary People & Trans Binary People
40:57 - Boring People Who Don't Interest Me Intellectually, The Importance of Good Conversation, & What Friendships Teach Me About Relationships
43:58 - Grieving Romantic Trauma Bonds
44:51 - Lack of Balance (Both Fun & Seriousness)
46:19 - Not Openly Communicating Needs
47:07 - Black Queer Girlhood & Being Fetishized
47:48 - Finding the Right People To Have the Conversations With
50:55 - Codependency & Emotional Labor
53: 26 - No Respect For Boundaries
55:12 - Lack of Values & Morals
56:10 - Lack of Emotional Maturity & Long-Term Partners Needing To Be Best Friend Material
1:01:14 - Navigating Gender, Cisheteropatriarchy, Transphobia, Careerism, & Relationship Hierarchy
1:05:25 - It’s Not Easy, People Misuse their Power & Don’t Interrogate Their Assumptions
1:06:43 - My Areas of Growth (Continuing to Unlearn Codependency, Meeting Someone Whose Shares My Orientation Towards Sex, Queer & Trans Sex, Meeting People Who Actually Interest Me, Patience, Respecting That People Will Handle Their Life Differently than Me, Dating Apps?, Being Less Annoyed By People, Maintaining My Needs For Titration)