"Gilbert Gottfried sits in for The News" (August 3, 2005 -

After the break Howard came back with Johnny Knoxville and said that Gilbert Gottfried would be coming in soon. He was pretty sure that Gilbert didn't know who Johnny was since he doesn't own a TV. He took a call from a guy who asked about the whole ''Jackass'' thing and how it got started. Howard said Johnny used to write the show years before he got the ''Jackass'' show and he wanted to come on and taser himself. Tom told Howard they couldn't do it on the air. Meanwhile, MTV hired them to do just that. Howard ended up talking about how they asked for Jessica to come on the show to promote the movie but they were turned down each time. Johnny said he had to get going in a little while but he'd stick around for a few minutes. Howard had the guys bring in Gilbert Gottfried after that.

Gilbert came in and Artie mentioned that he just bought a $3 million apartment in the city. Howard asked him if he knew who Johnny was and Gilbert said they were actually on the show together one time. Howard asked him about the apartment and how he's moving in with his girlfriend. Gilbert wasn't saying much about that so Johnny said he's never heard him so quiet before. Gilbert did talk a little bit about his relationship and said kind of hinted that he didn't pay three million for that place. Artie said he's done shows with Gilbert and he can't believe he's giving up all of the ''road ass.'' Howard said he knows Gilbert has intimacy issues and he finds it hard to believe that he's actually committing to someone. They talked to Gilbert about how he never made it past 9th grade so he never graduated high school. Howard also gave Gilbert some plugs after that and had to take another break a short time later. You can find some more information about Gilbert's upcoming comedy shows at GilbertGottfried.com. Howard asked Johnny about ''The Dukes of Hazzard'' movie and if he had to do an audition. Johnny said he had to go do a ''chemistry test'' with Sean William Scott but that was it. That led to Artie saying that he was once asked to do a chemistry test with Tracey Morgan from Saturday Night Live and he told his agent he'd save everyone a little time and said there was no chemistry there. Howard went to break after that.

And Finally... 08/03/05. 9:55am
After the break Howard gave Gilbert another plug and noticed that he was drinking water like crazy. He wondered if he waits to get there to drink all of their water. Gilbert said he doesn't drink any water until he gets it for free. Howard went on to goof on Gilbert about his web site and how lame it is. He's only got a few bad pictures on there and it looks like the people he's posing with don't really like him. Howard suggested that he take pictures of his new apartment with his girlfriend and maybe some pictures of him getting his hair cut at the Tonight Show's barber. Howard had Robin start her news after that. Gilbert and Artie had fun goofing on some of the stories that Robin brought up.

During the news a listener called in and suggested that Howard use SIRIUS channel 101 as a ''Howard Stern learning channel'' where he could have Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard doing sex talk and stuff like that. Howard told the caller to leave the station naming up to him. He and the other guys goofed on that idea a little bit before getting back to the news. Gilbert and Artie were cracking each other up through the whole segment doing impressions and joking around like crazy.

Wendy the Retard called in to say hi to Gilbert but she couldn't pronounce his name. Howard ended up asking her a bunch of questions about if she had been raped by Gilbert. She said ''yes'' to every question he asked. Wendy later asked if Gilbert wanted to come over and bang her. She was having some phone sex with him after that and Gilbert was laughing. Howard had him do some of his impressions as he was talking to her. Wendy was sweet talking him by telling him that she weighs 185 pounds. Howard had her rub the phone on her chest but it sounded like she was rubbing it on gravel. Gilbert had her rub it against her ass but there was no noise. Howard wrapped up the show a short time after that, around 10:30am.